Jenny Burrell

Slowly getting back to normal and weather finally realising that it’s summer, we invited friends over for a fish barbecue. I needed to keep it simple and ensure that the table setting was conducive to social distancing!

I remain wary and over cautious. I see neighbours having friends from mixed families inside their houses and still get really annoyed when they blatantly flout the rules! We need to get this damn virus under control and it’s not only youngsters who selfishly disobey the law! It’s also adults who should have more sense!

As always, the weather rules these barbecues! I have three apps and they were regularly checked throughout the day and this became more frequent as the afternoon progressed! I did have a choice, either the patio without any overhead protection, or the Teak House, the thatched gazebo at the bottom of our garden. The latter is not as practical because we have to cross the lawn and get wet!

But on Friday afternoon the weather behaved and I laid the patio table. I prepared the salad ingredients and decided to use a new potato recipe I had seen on the television a few days earlier. I had written down the ingredients but not the quantities so that was going to be a challenge! I tried finding the recipe on Google but couldn’t manage this simple task so had to use my sensitive(?) palate instead!

I have a problem with timing. For years working as a Treasurer for a busy multi national company I had a system and a tick box for month ends. This had been honed over many years and was my comfort blanket to ensure nothing was missed. Now that I am a ‘lady of leisure’ and a ‘housewife’ I have no routine for housework or general chores and muddle my way through them. I’m obviously not too bothered so do them only when and if necessary. If I didn’t struggle with chaos it would probably be a lot worse!

Our guests were due to arrive at 6:30 pm. I had the afternoon to prepare and there wasn’t a huge amount I had to do. For dessert we were having strawberries soaked in a Cassis liqueur (my husband’s favourite recipe) and just meant him pouring copious amounts of liquid into the bowl and giving the strawberries an occasional stir! The fish was ready just to put on the barbecue. So why was I rushing around at 6:15 pm in my ‘glad rags’, salad ingredients still draining, potatoes overcooked and the cheese still buried somewhere in the fridge.

But, thankfully, they were late and all was ready when their car pulled into the drive. My husband met them at the garden gate. The weather, uncharacteristically, behaved really well. We had a super evening and almost five hours later we waved them goodbye. My husband, also uncharacteristically, offered to tidy up. So, dishwasher packed and turned on, I soaked in a hot bath and went to bed.

I really enjoyed that feeling of normality. I also thoroughly enjoyed catching up with our dear friends and having a good laugh. That is what life should be more about! Not the doom and gloom, panic and fear that has been my almost constant companion for the last five months!

I’ve tasted freedom and hope to sample it again soon ……👠

I feel almost ‘normal’ again! I’ve had my nails done!

I’ve had acrylic nails for twenty years. Just before lockdown I decided to change to gel. It would be easier to maintain, less harmful and cheaper! Being a lady of leisure, but still having to do housework and gardening, I needed more than just nail varnish. My nails had become so thin and quite painful. What we women don’t go through in the name of vanity!

So, with some trepidation as beauty salons had only just opened, I went to my appointment. The young lady, who has been my mani and pedicurist for many years, had moved during lockdown to a converted garage at her home. Rent was exorbitant at her previous salon and the landlord had not helped during the crisis.

My material mask was really uncomfortable. It was too big. I had adjusted the elastic ear straps which only made matters worse! It changed the shape of my ears and was impossible to wear my hearing aid! My glasses fogged up and, having ‘verifocals’ meant that I had to wear them correctly or life became a hazy blur. Not ideal when shopping! And I couldn’t breathe!

So I bought a box of fifty paper masks and left some in a plastic bag with hand sanitiser in the car. I was prepared. I set the sat nav and left home in time to accommodate any potential delays caused by the lack of a ‘direction’ gene. There was no waiting room if I arrived early so ideally would get to my destination on time!

The house was easy to find so pulled up outside with a few minutes to spare. Time to adjust the mask and ensure nose and mouth prioperly covered. It fitted significantly better than the material one and I could breathe! A nice bonus. New nail growth had replaced the soft acrylic side effects so ready just to gel and paint. I had also booked a pedicure so would be able to start wearing open sandals again!

I walked into the new salon and was immediately struck by the clean, light and relaxing ambiance. My apprehension slipped away and was replaced by a feeling of peace and calm. The room had been tastefully decorated with Covid security firmly in place. I felt safe in the knowledge that the risk was minimal and I could spend the next couple of hours just enjoying the experience.

I have become very fond of the young clinician and always admired her work ethic and professionalism. If anyone deserved to do well she did! There were times when she had worked seven day weeks to cover expenses. Her parents have been very supportive but have instilled in her the need to make the business a success by hard work, strict discipline and a determination to succeed. They must be very proud of her!

It was good to catch up on news and I always chuckle when I have my pedicure. The young lady has some knowledge of reflexology and I wait for her to advise which part of my body is either under or not performing! I often joke that I feel well when I arrive but who knows what fatal illness I have when I leave!

I walked out of the salon feeling as if I’d had a good holiday! Relaxed and very happy with my bright psychedelic orange nails, I threw the mask in the bin and headed back home. An afternoon well spent! Self indulgence but, hey, I’m worth it! 👠

We’ve recently replaced the roof on our conservatory. It’s tiled and we’ve had the ceiling plastered. Looked good but needed painting, both the ceiling and the walls. Not a problem! My husband and I have always had experts in to do these kind of jobs. We both worked full time so justified the expense.

But we are at home all day, semi self-isolating, so painting a ceiling and a few walls would be a doddle! We settled on the colours, white for the ceiling and a colour similar to the previous shade for the walls. We went to a specialist paint shop and came out carrying paint, rollers and two paint trays. My husband has plenty of brushes so, let the fun begin !

I refused to paint the ceiling! Definitely a ‘blue’ job! I smoothed off the surface of the first short wall beneath the windows. I have heard that it’s all about the preparation! My husband used his fancy new ‘transformer’ ladder! It can be folded into two parts with a ledge in the middle. He placed a roller, filled tray and a roll of paper towel onto the ledge . He told me that he had slightly diluted the paint as suggested, for the first coat. He’s good at reading instructions! Not my strong point! So we were both ‘prepared’ and raring to go!

I put tape over the skirting boards and brought a cushion from the kitchen to soften my seat. I began to paint. It was with some surprise that I noticed the colour on the tin was not the same colour that I was carefully spreading over the wall. It was bright canary yellow! I panicked.

‘Wait until it dries’ came the dulcet tones of Picasso as he spread his paint professionally across the ceiling. ‘Just paint the rest of that wall and we’ll make a judgement call later’. I obeyed, of course I would! I bowed to his superior knowledge! He’s the scientist and I, the mere accountant! We decided to leave it overnight to dry thoroughly.

The next morning we went back into the conservatory. In the bright sunlight the canary yellow paint sparkled! I shielded my eyes! It was glaringly bright! Neither of us could imagine the whole room painted in that fluorescent yellow! It had to go!

We looked up at the ceiling. Some of the paint had completely soaked into the plaster and some, applied thicker, actually looked white. ‘Not to worry’, my husband tried to act blasé, ‘it’ll probably need another couple more coats’. That was the start of day two.

So, back to the specialist paint shop. We carefully went through the colour charts and chose a more subdued shade called ‘apricot’. My husband bought another tin of white paint because, he had decided, the problem could have been the age of the paint. Well over ten years! He’s a Yorkshireman ……

Back into the conservatory after lunch, positive and ready to get the job done. The colour was much better but the canary yellow wall would need a second coat. My husband was working on the one side of the room and I sat on my cushion in the other, humming away, happy as Larry!

We broke for afternoon tea and sat down on two chairs we’d carried from the packed sitting room. We watched as shadows moved across the windows and all seemed well. I looked up at the ceiling. Roller strokes were clearly visible and there were a number of darker patches. I pointed this out to Picasso and was told to wait until the paint had dried. I proudly looked across at my wall, still a long way to go but looking much better!

After our cups of tea we headed back to our jobs. I finished another small wall, carefully trying not to mess any paint under the window sill. It had become a painstakingly tedious job. I alternated between mini roller and small paint brush. Very slow, but wanted to get it right.

After wall number three I called it a day and went inside to start the evening meal. Picasso honourably offered to clean the utensils and I gave one last look at my handiwork. Day two and I had only painted three small walls with one needing a second coat. I was slightly concerned that we were now going to take longer than our three day deadline! Perhaps the ceiling would be completed by tomorrow and both of us could get started on the large wall.

Day three and we both went into the conservatory to admire our handiwork. No shadows to mar the view and the paint had dried. The ceiling still looked blotchy. I didn’t have to say anything. The look on my husband’s face said it all!

‘I knew that paint was too thick and I probably used the wrong roller. Should have bought the thinner one! I’ll go round with a paint brush and smooth over the patches!’

My walls looked ok. I was beginning to feel smug until I realised that my husband had given the canary yellow wall a second coat and there was as much paint under the windowsill as there was on the wall. Looking up I noticed gaps between the windows and the ceiling and the plastic frames were covered in paint!

So I started the clean up while my husband worked on the ceiling. In silence I painted the space between the window frame and the ceiling with a tiny artists’s paintbrush to avoid further smudging. It was painstaking slow. ‘Happy Larry’ hadn’t lasted long!

We missed out a day going back to Leeds to meet with the estate agent to get my mother in law’s house on the market. . The next day, Friday, I had my hair done and my husband went shopping. I cleaned the house in the afternoon and stayed away from the conservatory. We both needed a break.

Saturday dawned bright and sunny. We had a long walk and then went back to our painting jobs. The small walls were finished and the ceiling looked better. My husband decided to tackle the huge wall with its slanted edges and strange angles. If we thought we were having problems before, we were in for an even greater shock. The line between the white ceiling and the coloured wall proved a step too far!

My husband tried freehand with my tiny artist’s paint brush. He is a perfectionist and it didn’t meet his standards (or mine!). He taped the edge of the ceiling and painted the top of the wall. Carefully he pealed off the tape and we both watched in horror as the white and the apricot paint came off in patches!

That evening we nursed gin and tonics with our backs to the offensive mess and thought seriously about Plan B! But Picasso was not ready to give up just yet.

Sunday morning dawned bright and sunny. We read the papers, went for a walk, had a light lunch and stepped back inside our prison. I had my job. I cleaned the windowsills after removing as much paint as I could from beneath! I carefully scraped the paint off the skirting boards. I had removed most from the window frames so felt that we were almost there!

Once more my husband, who had painted the ceiling the evening before, carefully stuck tape back along the edge. He painted the wall. We had our tea and then he went back to peal off the tape.

Monday dawned, wet and miserable. I got a few names of painters from friends and can report that a kind gentleman will be coming to ‘cut in all the corners and edges to improve the aesthetics’ on the 28th! Two weeks time!

We’re moving back in today. I have been reassured the mess will be minimal and all furniture covered. I’m leaving painting to the professionals! I admire and respect them! Picasso and I will stick to our garden and start putting money back into the economy …… 👠

I had to go to A&E in the early hours of Sunday morning. At 2:00 a m I was lying in a private ward wired up to a heart monitor! Isn’t life a ‘funny’ thing!

I had had a bad week. My husband and I had spent hours trying to sort out my mother in law’s house to get it ready for the estate agent’s photographs. De- personalising a much loved home was not easy! Include family ‘issues’ on an almost monumental scale and then throw in someone who can redefine the word panic! That was my Thursday.

I bounced frenetically between trying to calm down and getting really annoyed, conversations buzzing wildly round and round in my head! That was my Friday. By Saturday morning I was left feeling anxious, stressed and exhausted! The weather, having rained heavily for the last couple of days, did allow my husband and I to risk a quick walk before the heavens opened once again.

The ‘piece de resistance’ was my medication increase which my GP, in his infinite wisdom, had decided was going to solve my hypertension problem! Even though I told him that the tablets were not working and offered proof, doctors know best! The most common side effects are swollen ankles and palpitations. I had suffered with these for over a week. By Saturday evening I felt as if I was walking on stumps and my rapid pulse rate was frightening! There was nothing I could do to calm myself down. I had a long hot soaking bath (don’t know if this was a good or bad idea!) and went to bed early.

I tried the breathing exercises that a friend and a councillor had suggested. I sat in a ‘relaxed’ position and concentrated on each breath. All I could hear was my tinnitus ear screeching back at me, drowning out all logic or, heaven forbid, any useful suggestions! By 1:00 a m I gave up and went downstairs. I rang 111 and was told to go to A&E! This news did not help and was totally unexpected! I staggered upstairs and got my husband out of bed. I threw on jeans and a jumper. For the first time in many years I left the house without war paint, feeling very old, very vulnerable and very scared!

I felt as if I was heading into a deep, dark abyss! Not only did I have a potential heart problem, but contracting a fatal disease was the other option. Forty minutes later I bade my husband farewell and walked down that fateful corridor, through doors which slid silently open then shut firmly behind me. No way out. Shivering uncontrollably I squirted antiseptic gel into my hands and put on a mask. My glasses immediately fogged up as I began to hyperventilate!

The waiting room was almost empty. Only two young people sat at either end, most of the chairs cordoned off. I blindly made my way to reception, gave my details and was told to sit down. A few minutes later I was called into a section in an open corridor now used as a triage. My blood pressure and pulse rates were very high, further proof that the medication was not working! I was kitted out for an ECG and had a cannula fitted in my arm for easy access to testing. ‘Try and relax, luv,’ was a common, fruitless theme.

Three hours later I was told that I could go home. Two ECGs and probably two pints of blood down, nothing appeared to be a cause for concern. I was told to contact my GP on Monday. An update from the hospital would be available and a twenty four hour heart monitor highly recommended. The two doctors were caring and waived aside my embarrassment by assuring me that I had done the right thing. Barring a token drunk periodically making herself heard, the evening had been very quiet.

I was expecting full PPE! Just masks were the order of the day, or night, in this case! None of the nurses or doctors had tested positive for Covid. An empty A&E department was something I would never have imagined possible! And over the weekend!

But my timing was probably right! Not at all expected nor wanted but I think I chose the best time to pay my visit! Tomorrow the pubs and restaurants reopen, albeit Covid friendly, but there are many selfish, ignorant people living in this country! Alcohol fuelled stabbings and other pre Covid accidents will bring their usual casualties back to A&E! Life will gradually get back to normal. Not always the parts of normal we enjoy or are particularly proud of! 👠

It’s been a funny old week! Now that lockdown has eased slightly we have taken the opportunity to spend time at my mother in law’s house. We need to get it ready to put on the market. Significantly easier said than done!

My mother in law has a house full of china and collectibles. She was always so proud of her ‘things’ and often walked me around her home explaining the history and value of these trinkets. It was the first time I had heard of a bread fork. My mother in law has dozens!

She also left a house full of clothes, shoes, crockery, cutlery, bottles of different drinks, tins, home made jams and chutneys and a fridge and two deep freezers packed to capacity! Just in case there was a Third World War and she couldn’t get out for months, or, in my mother in law’s case, years!

So, when she passed away in March, there was a huge challenge to get the house sale ready. She had three sons who each had a partner. I’m the wife of the eldest. The next son’s partner has been very unwell for a number of years and we haven’t seen them since the end of 2018. The youngest son and his wife are actively involved in all things family. They have also taken it upon themselves to make a start on cleaning and tidying up the house.

Before I continue, let me explain. My mother in law wasted nothing! She even made lettuce soup if there were a few straggly leaves that needed eating! Her deep freezers bore testimony to her extreme frugality. There are many small bundles of frozen food wrapped in cling film, contents unknown, carefully fitted into tiny available spaces.

The youngest son’s wife had a house cleaning business. When my mother in law was alive I used to help by keeping her kitchen clean. A chore not enjoyed but one of necessity. She had a cleaner for an hour once a week who ‘did’ her bedroom, washed the bedding and gave the bathrooms a ‘once over’. The kitchen was rarely scrubbed to my standards. Throw in my serious gluten problem and surfaces filled with crumbs of every gluten ilk had to go!

So that was my by-weekly chore. My youngest sister in law, the actual cleaner, used to tidy up and make the rooms look ‘pretty’. However, when my mother in law passed away her and my brother in law came into their own. They scrupulously cleaned the house.

They also filled garbage bag after garbage bag and wheelie bin after wheelie bin with everything they thought had passed its sell by dates. Even if it hadn’t! Bring in my husband who has inherited his mother’s frugal gene. When I say that he went ballistic, this is no overstatement! And my mother in law would be looking down in utter disgust and equally incensed as she watched her world war three rations disrespectfully swept away with gay abandon!

On every subsequent visit my husband has dug out tinned and bottled food, clothing, cushions, trays, bowls and more food. Furious! Turning the air many shades of blue!

The middle brother sadly lost his partner a few weeks ago so we still haven’t seen him and he has not been to the house. Two extremes. The youngest and his wife were constant visitors and phoned every day. They involved themselves in all aspects of my mother in law’s life, medical care, friends, family and neighbours. My husband and I chugged along somewhere in the middle, very aware that my mother in law hated fuss and we respected her refusal to give up her independence!

Things have gone missing over the last few months. Lack of communication caused some unpleasantness as presumptions created a blame culture and eventually had to be confronted to prevent a family fallout! What has transpired is that a number of front door keys were handed out (last count was ten!) so theft unfortunately has taken place.

The front door lock has been changed. All the family are on speaking terms once more and I am hopeful that communication channels will remain freely open and accessible. Life is too short to bear grudges and I refuse to quibble over small pieces of china or the disappearance of semi precious stone eggs. Not having the frugal gene I have easily moved on. There is nothing I can do about the ‘criminal’ waste. My husband made a concerted effort to minimise it but had to be reigned in when it got out of hand! Our food cupboards are fast becoming replicas of his mother’s!

We have one last hurdle to climb before the estate agent arrives with his camera. Every appliance box has been kept for the last umpteen years! The contents of a huge store room are going to be moved into the loft and will become a challenge for another day! That’s our job for next week. Let’s wait and see who gets them back down when they’ll fill garbage bag after garbage bag and wheelie bin after wheelie bin …… 👠

I need this to be a happy, upbeat blog. I felt so bad when an ex colleague and good friend told me that she reads my blogs to cheer her up! Over the last few weeks I have used them to vent my spleen!

On Sunday afternoon I ignored the weather forecast (three apps on my phone) and invited four friends over for drinks in the garden. After spending many hours of lockdown weeding, planting and maintaining the lawn, it paid off and the garden looked really good! Even if I say so myself …..

All afternoon the sun shone, then vanished behind rolling dark clouds, then proudly reappeared to give a false sense of hope! At three o’clock we had a few spots of rain and it looked as if two out of the three forecasts were going to be correct! They had predicted a 50% chance of showers. We still had an hour to decide so bravely soldiered on, wiping down the garden furniture.

At half past three my glass overflowed as the sun made a successful bid to fight off the storm clouds gathering ominously in the distance. I went upstairs to remove my ‘glad rags’, which have become a second skin and ‘frock up’, to smarter casual. Winter clothes packed away last week and replaced by summer wear, I was spoilt for choice! But the sun was still shining so, decision made, I was back downstairs and ready to put cushions on chairs.

I was very careful when arranging the furniture. Leaving at least two metres apart I placed two chairs alongside each other with a small table in the middle. Singing happy birthday twice as I washed my hands, then bathed them in sanitiser, I got three bowls and three ramekins from the cupboard. I carefully poured crisps into each bowl and hummus into the ramekins. Ten minutes to go and I was ready. The sun was still shining.

It was so good to chat to someone other than our partners! We laughed about holiday mishaps (all desperate to get away!) shared our experiences of our wonderful trips to Namibia (another couple had visited as well) and thoroughly enjoyed the occasion! It was so novel and really exciting! Socialising for the first time in over three months was exhilarating and such a rare treat! The weather did try to spoil our fun, periodically clouding over with a threat of rain, but it was only two hours later that the first drops brought play to an end!

Within a few minutes friends had left and the garden was empty. Zoom meetings and FaceTime are all good but nothing beats physical contact, albeit two metres apart! For the first time in weeks I felt confident that we had turned a corner. Things were going to get better. A tiny taste of normality was all I needed to peer over the dark clouds and see the rainbow. 👠

I’m getting fed up watching the news. It is so negative and depressing! I’m also getting sick and tired of journalists who are primarily the cause of adding to the stress and disquiet gripping the nation.

I fully understand and my heart goes out to all those who have suffered unimaginable pain over these last few months. At least we were able to have our few close family members with us at both my mother and my mother in law’s funerals. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of loved ones denied this basic human right!

But we cannot stay in lockdown forever. We have to slowly take the first intrepid steps to start rebuilding our shattered economy. Children have to go back to school.

I don’t want to politicise this awful virus. I don’t have enough knowledge to pass judgement and play the blame game. I am just getting so frustrated when the news is always finding fault with every tiny step the country is being asked to take to get us out of our prisons!

I believe there are three factions.

There are those who won’t go out until we have a vaccine or a cure. The government must continue sponsoring them. Alas, there are no money trees in Kew Gardens or anywhere else for that matter! Certain age groups of children have been urged to return to school. I cannot begin to imagine the affect this lockdown must be having on them! And how can parents go back to work when they have no childcare? Fear abounds and I feel for all those faced with this dilemma.

Then there are those who think that the government is opening up too slowly. It has become a slanging match between the two factions, fuelled by the media to gain the most publicity! Both appear to agree that the government has stopped following scientists advice. And the scientists interviewed have conflicting views! So who or what can we believe?

Then we have the third category of people who never bought into lockdown in the first place! They have gone on their merry way for the last three months, held rave parties in woods, met up in pubs behind closed doors, had their hair cut and socialised throughout! Not all are young people! I’m not being ageist!

There are more than 66 million people living in this country. How could anyone have managed to get all of them to adhere to the lockdown rules? Citing an unseen enemy and removing our freedom, as if we were living under a dictatorship, was apparently the only way to win the war and survive this pandemic! But a huge number of us did knuckle down and stay at home!

I have also seen so many acts of kindness, so much selflessness, so many normal people coming out and doing their bit for their community. Yet, on balance, the media prefer to focus on the protagonists who shout the loudest and cause the most dissension. I have seen television ‘debates’ where the reporter has not even allowed his interviewee to complete a sentence. This reporter then smirks on twitter and brags about how fearless he or she is and incites others to follow suite! All in the name of freedom of the press or is it just self glorification?

I hope that those protesting over the weekend adhered to the lockdown rules and don’t create another peak. What happened to George Floyd was truly awful and completely inexcusable. I do understand the passion this mindless, wicked act of injustice has fuelled but seriously concerned about the virus using another weapon to make a comeback! All those clamouring for their space on beaches over the long hot summer days last week hopefully stay virus free and don’t infect others.

Small islands and countries are gradually winning the war. They are being held up as shining lights! They locked down early, had testing in place immediately, tracked and traced from day one. It’s easy when you have a tiny population, huge open spaces and are prepared to obey the rules!

I’m sitting in our small television room surrounded by some of my father’s beautiful paintings. It’s quite dark and cloudy this morning. I’ll post this blog then get up from my comfortable sofa and face another new day. But, I’ve made up my mind! I’ll stop watching the news! I’ll only listen to the evening Coronavirus updates and turn off Twitter. I’ll create my own positive bubble! I have nothing to lose! This is the way I am going to win the war! 👠

The last couple of months have been surreal! I still wake up and can’t believe that I should only leave the house if absolutely necessary! Spontaneity, of which I am very guilty, has been quashed! Routine has become my mantra to try and cope with this continued isolation!

The first few weeks I found relatively easy. The rule of law was to stay at home, only go out if absolutely necessary and don’t mix with anyone outside your household. And we were all in this together! That was important because there was no choice and everyone just had to knuckle down and get on with it!

But the rules have now subtly changed! We still have to stay at home unless we need necessities, but can go to garden centres, hardware stores and meet up to five friends or family members. We can also exercise in teams of six and play non contact sport, outside, all keeping socially distant!

So the rules have been relaxed yet I still feel so strange! We drove up to Yorkshire, sat outside with my daughter and son in law, wandered around their garden, staying two metres apart, didn’t go inside their house and definitely no hugging! Weird and totally unnatural!

I was really looking forward to seeing her! She was keeping well and our cup of tea was delicious! It was a beautifully warm, sunny day and her garden looked lovely. So why do I feel like this? Very uncomfortable, quite down, not happy! Definitely moved back to ‘glass half empty’!

I feel ungrateful. I know that there are many people far less fortunate than me! I should be happy about a huge number of things and get really annoyed with myself for going off piste and losing the plot! It’s even raining today, which is a very welcome relief after the hottest, driest May in 124 years! Our garden is desperate for this rain and our lawn looks like a winter South African one, brown and unsightly!

The time has come for me to get my head around this next stage in the battle against Covid! If I don’t yank myself out of this stupor I’ll have lost the war, a daunting, frightening thought! To make matters worse my blood pressure has spiked again so have had to increase my medication! This really annoys me as I know I should be coping a lot better! I have to get a grip!

Yesterday afternoon we met friends outside their spacious back garden. We had delicious cake and my favourite South African red bush tea. There were six of us. These are good friends and we have known each other for many years. I mentioned my anxiety which has caused the blood pressure spike and was given some really good advice, breathing exercises and relaxation. We had some good laughs, enjoyed the warm sunshine and agreed to meet up again soon.

So, it’s down to me to take responsibility and get back on track! I’m not an island and how I behave affects others! It’s not all about me! I need to take this first step!

I have made plans for today, getting my summer clothes and shoes down from the loft and packing away boots and coats. I will get back to taking one day at a time! When the black cloud hovers above, I must continually remind myself of everything I have, a lovely family, some really good friends and (usually) good health! My husband is a huge support so I have everything I need at home.

Onwards and upwards! Life is too short to dwell on negatives! If I can’t change anything then it’s up to me to adapt to the current situation. Nothing lasts forever, not the good nor the bad! I needed to recognise that my glass was almost empty. Only I can top it up so today will be good, tomorrow even better! 👠

I’m irritated and frustrated! I’m not going to judge! My opinion doesn’t matter! I’m a tiny, tiny cog in a gigantic wheel! I understand that tiny cogs, united, can bring about huge change, but that is for another day! Today I just need to get this off my chest!

For the last few days the news has not concentrated on this hugely dangerous and debilitating war against an invisible enemy. It has all been about one person accused of flouting the lockdown rules. I do understand how people can feel infuriated and be convinced that there is one rule for all of us and one for the political elite!

But, what is really annoying me is the backlash, encouraged by some journalists and certain celebrities, for us all to now break the lockdown rules! This great British public who, predominantly, listened to the government and obeyed the law, are now being made to feel like fools! Being one of these ‘fools’ I strongly object to the way some in the media are callously using peoples lives for their own publicity and egotistical ends!

Why would I put myself, my dear family and close friends lives at risk because I want to get my own back on a government advisor who did the lockdown his way? If it backfires on me and I get infected and then shed the virus, who would be to blame? Who would give a damn if I was responsible, due to my own selfish, ignorant actions, to cause severe illness or a possible death sentence to a close family member or friend? It certainly wouldn’t be the individual currently been hounded and now hogging the limelight!

I hope that truth will out and the right decisions will be made by people we put in power to protect us! I am all for freedom of speech but the media do wield huge power! During this very distressing time we all need to stay focussed on survival, not only of the fittest, survival for all! It’s not about planting deadly seeds into the minds of frustrated, desperate people vulnerable and ready to find any excuse to feel normal again!

But not yet! If there is another peak and we have to go back to square one, the ramifications would be catastrophic! I really hope that common sense will prevail and we all dig our heels in for the final showdown! It will be a slow, controlled battle but we’ll get there without acting foolishly and thinking we are spiting someone who really doesn’t give a damn!

So, please stay safe and focus on the end goal! Meeting family and friends in their homes, going back to pubs and restaurants, going on holiday, losing this sword of Damocles which has hung over us for months! Ignore the scare mongers and sycophants! If we take one step at a time, slowly and carefully, we’ll beat the virus and win this war! 👠

Even though the message from the government has changed ever so slightly, my life hasn’t! I’m still only going out when I have to (every second week for groceries!) and haven’t been to the garden centre as yet, which would have been my ‘unessential’ legal journey. I’m still only exercising once a day.

My time management skills, since I’ve become a ‘lady of leisure’, have deteriorated quite dramatically. Throw in lockdown, for weeks, and they are non-existent! Every day I promise myself that I’ll spend at least two hours in the garden, weather permitting. Alas, by the time I’ve had breakfast, answered emails, filled in my diary, watched the news over my second mug of coffee, washed and dressed, gone for a walk, had lunch and tidied the kitchen, it’s after 2:00 pm. I try to type a chapter of my novel every day. That usually takes about an hour. I also try to do a ‘remote’ exercise class and watch the daily Coronavirus update at 5:00 pm.

Currently I have to chose between typing my novel or working in the garden. I’m not managing both. And to make matters worse, I’m not even too concerned, but slightly embarrassed! There is no excuse stuck at home all day! But I seem to blink and lose an hour or two! Maybe lockdown is finally getting to me! Maybe I am becoming, slowly but surely, apathetic?

I hope not, but I’ll work on that tomorrow!

However, what really makes my blood boil is when I hear the government not telling the truth about their support of care homes! I don’t spend my time running the government down. I doubt anyone in power in this country could have done much better! But when I hear from one of the carers who has stayed in contact with me since my mother passed away in March, I really get wound up!

There is a huge problem getting enough and the correct personal protection equipment (PPE). They are also experiencing difficulty getting testing done. Two fundamental requirements during this pandemic and yet, as discovered over the last few weeks, so many residents in care homes have died! This is unacceptable and inexcusable!

Care homes have always been the poor relation! Our local council, in the five years my mother was in a care home, had either cut or certainly didn’t cover, all residents expenses! My mother had to sell her home to pay the exorbitant fees and I am convinced, supplemented those residents in social care! I am also aware that privately owned care homes have to cover their costs and make a profit. It’s a fine balance!

I have seen, first hand, the staffing problems experienced. To fill vacancies I have been horrified when trying to speak to agency staff unable to speak English! I have also been humbled by some wonderful carers who treat residents as if they were their own family!

These ‘caring angels’ who nursed my mother so lovingly and patiently are now expected to put their lives, and those of their loved ones and the frail residents, at risk. I have heard that doctors sent ill, aged people to care homes to free beds for potential Covid patients. Many were not tested. Why were their lives any less valuable than the rest of the population?

I am hoping that this is a wake up call! This awful virus has brought this country to its knees, but maybe, albeit inadvertently, it could have left one positive legacy?

Care homes need to be brought into the twenty first century. This is where a large number of our beloved family members spend their final days. My mother was in a care home because I physically and mentally couldn’t care for her. She was placed in the hands of strangers. As a family we hoped and prayed that our mother would be given the best possible care.

My family were lucky. Our mother passed away peacefully with me at her bedside. Thousands of families weren’t! I hope that this pandemic has finally highlighted this gross injustice and huge inadequate funding and support deficit! These wonderful carers, who are barely paid a minimum wage, should be treated with the dignity and respect they treat our loved ones!

I’m still soldiering on trying to take one day at a time, keeping the water (or sometimes gin) in my glass half full. Today the sun is shining. This evening I’ve arranged a barbecue, just the two of us, but outside enjoying the garden and the good weather. Tomorrow will be another day ….👠