Jenny Burrell

A few blogs ago I mentioned that I am a glass half empty person! Now add losing my mother, my mother in law and the covid-19 lockdown, all within a month! My glass is currently virtually empty!

So is this going to dominate my life for the next few days, weeks, months, years?

I have two choices. The first one is to stay indoors and live on the food I have in the house. Perhaps someone could shop for me but I would leave the bags for days untouched to avoid contamination! There is, however, a slight problem with my first choice. I’m not living alone.

The second choice is to jump right out of my box (the older you are the harder it is to jump!) and tip the glass on its head. I could then refill the glass to the half full mark! This way there will be one glass half full and one glass overflowing living in my house.

So, this morning I have woken up after having eight hours sleep! That’s a good start! I have watched the news. This is not good! But I’m focussing on the bluish sky outside the window and watching a fat pigeon syphoning up food under the bird feeder. The smaller birds mess so much when they peck at the sunflower seeds, suet balls and peanuts, wasting more than they eat! This drives my husband crazy because he continually reminds me that pigeons are vermin and he objects to feeding them!

Is that a typical glass overflowing comment? Maybe it’s more of a Victor Meldrew one! Apparently people with this trait live longer!

I need to keep to some structure and have a routine, which will help as a comfort blanket. This makes me happy and I can balance the glass of water! This morning my husband and I will have our once daily walk. He walks at a brisk pace so I get warm and my heart beat is raised. This is good as I am really missing my gym classes.

Because it’s warm and dry we can have lunch outside in the little thatched hut we call the teak house. It overlooks the country lane at the bottom of our garden. I’ve been weeding and de-leafing so the view of the garden on the one side and the wood on the other is very pleasant. This keeps my glass topped up!

I love being outside so will spend the afternoon weeding and generally tidying up. Being a visual person I can periodically step back and enjoy my handy work. That will take me to afternoon tea and another visit to the teak house. Back to the garden for another hour and then inside to prepare the evening meal.

This all sounds really mundane and in my ‘normal’ life I would not be satisfied with days spent like this! I am going to have to fill more of my time with diversions when the world reopens because I no longer have to visit my mother.

But, for now, still taking one day at a time, challenge number one! Keeping my glass topped up to half full, challenge number two.

Having a sense of humour is imperative! Trying to contact probate solicitors, banks, councils, inland revenue offices and all the departments necessary when someone dies (times two for both mothers!) could tip one over the edge! Or, just shrugging your shoulders and sometimes having a laugh at absurd excuses or comments, does really help. We have all the time in the world to sit on the telephone for hours! Even my husband is becoming adept at multi-tasking! He can be waiting for someone to answer the phone, drink a cup of tea and do a crossword puzzle.

There is even a chance that I will come out if this lockdown a calmer, more pragmatic, patient person! I’ll definitely be a few pounds heavier! I’m eating the same as I did when I exercised regularly! That is going to be another challenge for another day!

So, for today I’m sorted! Walking, lunch, gardening, evening meal then watching a recorded cowboy movie! Boris Johnson is showing signs of recovery but still in ICU. Here’s hoping the news will be better tomorrow. I’ll be clapping for the carers at 8:00 pm tonight and staying at home over the Easter weekend. I’ll speak to my children and hope they are all fit and well.

I can’t change the situation but only I can chose how I spend this time! So, to reiterate my mantra: Nothing lasts forever! Not the good nor the bad ……..👠

I’ve survived and so have my friends and family! We’ve stayed at home and it has not been so bad!

But I do have a confession to share with you. Adamant that I wouldn’t get back into a routine but stick to a loose daily structure, this has not been achievable. My loose structure has morphed into a daily routine. It has taken two weeks to get back to ‘normal’!

I wake up unaided by an alarm clock. Three times a week I had to get up early to go to a gym class. My mornings are are now relaxed and I have breakfast watching the news, updating my diary, writing this blog or typing my novel. Alas, this has become a routine.

Weather permitting my husband and I go for a walk before lunch. We subtly change our routes just to bring some interest as we are staying close to home. It is surprising how a view can differ walking up a hill one day and down the hill the next! Walking on different sides of the road for a start changes the scenery and one way is easier than the other! This has become a routine!

I spend more time thinking about healthy lunches, as well as our main evening meals, bearing in mind we only shop once a week. I need to ensure ingredients are available! This is a challenge, trying to keep to a healthy low carb diet and not get to the other side of this pandemic with a weight problem! When I worked I ate to live. Not so now that I have time, I’m enjoying googling recipes that are quick, easy and healthy with minimal ingredients and fuss!

I listened to the Queen’s speech last night. I have huge admiration for her. The Queen thanked the NHS staff and all the key workers who are putting their lives at risk to tend the sick and dying. She also thanked all of us adhering to the government’s guidelines and staying at home!

I still can’t get my head around pictures of idiots sun tanning and having picnics with friends over the weekend! They might think that they are infallible but the poor people they are potentially infecting aren’t! Unfortunately these morons aren’t infallible either but, obviously having limited intelligence, they don’t understand? No, they are just selfish and we need to bring back the stocks. Sit these idiots down, lock their feet and ankles into the device and forget about them until this pandemic is over!

Gardens are looking really good. I’m not sure where people are hiding their weeds because wheelie bins aren’t getting emptied! We managed to empty our compost tub into the garden yesterday so I have a tub and a wheelie bin to fill! No excuse so have to get out when I can. Will have to factor this into my new daily routine! Oops!

The sun is currently shining! This weather does really help my mood and life doesn’t seem quite as frightening! The daily death announcements are very disturbing and made even more harrowing when a number of deaths are young, previously healthy adults and even a few children! Our prime minister, Boris Johnson, is in hospital. I wish him well and hope that he gets back into number ten as soon as possible!

The Queen told us that we ‘will succeed’ in our fight against this invisible enemy. She told us that we still have more to endure but better days will return. I’m sure they will but, for now, we have to take comfort in the knowledge that brilliant scientists are working around the clock to find treatment and a cure. All we have to do is stay at home and wait. Never did I ever imagine that the world would be at war against a virus! Perhaps I should watch more science fiction films! Maybe now is the time!

So, roll on lockdown week three! Every day will bring us closer to winning this battle and moving on! Stay safe, take care and STAY AT HOME! 👠

Tonight I joined neighbours and the rest of the United Kingdom to clap for our fantastic carers, all our NHS workers, pharmists, and all those on the front line keeping us safe and well!

But, tonight I clapped primarily for all the carers in care homes across the country. I clapped and cheered for all the Alisons, Claires, Ginas, Kaths, Debbies, Michelle’s, Celines, Tamsins, Jameses, Kevins, Joshuas, Julies, Julias, Elizabeths and many many more, all around the country.

My late mother had dementia and was in a care home for almost five years. These were tumultuous years, filled with despair and extreme sadness but also lots of laughter, understanding and hope! And this was largely thanks to the wonderful caring angels who guided my mother and her family through this debilitating, demeaning disease with good humour, compassion and a whole lot of loving care.

So tonight I donated my claps to these special people who are undervalued and grossly underpaid! Without them, living through this frightening pandemic but knowing that our loved ones will be safe, should bring some comfort.

I’ll continue to show my appreciation for our key workers every Thursday. In return, all I have to do is stay at home and, when I have to go out, keep my distance and wash my hands! That is not asking too much! In fact, it’s the very least I can do!

So we stand together to defeat this silent enemy. For our sanity and well-being we need to get back to our normal lives as soon as possible! Watching the five o’clock Covid-19 updates is uncomfortable and scary! People without underlying health issues are also dying. Yet there are those who have virtually no symptoms! So it’s best not to tempt fate and if possible, avoid this grim reaper! The global economy is on its knees! It’s brought us down, but we’re far from out👠

So we have completed our first week of lockdown and survived! The weather was really good which was a huge bonus. We joined neighbours out in our gardens, talking over the fence and keeping our distance. Being ‘all in this together’ has created a camaraderie between us and a certain amount of pragmatism. I must stress that we are all of a similar age so have lived through some of our own hard times. Being able to share this isolation with its very real challenges has brought us together and talking a lot more than we have done for a while.

Getting out for walks has been a real boon. Seeing the early signs of spring and breathing in fresh air (although some farmers are spreading compost on their fields!) creates a sense of well-being and makes me feel healthier! We don’t go for extended walks but stay in our area. On particularly sunny days last week we doubled a circuit. Going up a steep hill twice opened our lungs and justified the hot cross bun I had for tea later that afternoon!

But there are times when I feel claustrophobic! I am so used to the freedom of movement and choice! I focussed on our shopping trip last Friday as a chance to change out of my ‘glad rags’! When we arrived at the supermarket the queue was at least twenty trolleys long and we were told that only one person was allowed into the store unless under extenuating circumstances. They were also rationing certain products.

We had a list of shopping to do for some elderly neighbours. We would need more than two pints of milk and two loaves of bread! We didn’t want to go out more than once a week. After a quick discussion with my husband we decided that we would share the shopping. He took the neighbours shopping lists and drove to another supermarket. I stayed in the queue and finally managed to get everything barring toilet paper and soap. We kept in touch, thank heavens for mobiles, and delivered all the extra groceries as requested. Not ideal but this is not an ideal world.

Unless we have extra shopping to help neighbours this week we have decided that only one of us will go out on Friday. It’s just not worth taking any risks and this lockdown situation won’t last forever. We need to attend my mother in law’s cremation service in Leeds, eighty mile away. We’ll stay in her house (just the two of us) overnight to collect the necessary documents for probate and to cancel her driver’s licence, passport etc.

This week has been grey and dank. It’s easy to feel the same as the weather! I have to keep on reminding myself to take just one day at a time! This morning my husband and I will go for a walk. For lunch we’re having salmon and salad. I’m typing another chapter of my novel after lunch. I’m not a typist so this takes a while! I had a cowboy movie on the television yesterday so this extended the time it took to type chapter eight quite significantly!

I have ironing to do while my husband is cooking the evening meal (he enjoys cooking so we take turns, which suits me!) and there is a television programme I enjoy at nine o’clock tonight. I’m beginning to feel as if I’m slowing down which has its pros and cons! I don’t want to gain weight! I need to find a balance! Eat less or exercise more!

So, tomorrow is another day. A day when I should have gone with my friend to my late mother’s care home to give their exercise class. I am missing my two hour yoga class today. I’m not alone. There are many families worse off than me. I am grateful that I have a happy marriage. My partner is also a good friend. Life could be a whole lot worse! My family are well and we regularly keep in touch. FaceTime is marvellous! I saw my son and his family in Boston on Sunday! My daughter is recovering well from Flu? Coronavirus? we’re not sure!

I pray that we all get through this unscathed. I’m not going to focus on living like this for another few months! Today has some structure. I’ll sort out tomorrow when I wake up and check the weather! This is alien to me! I can either stay in bed and give up or I can get out of bed and make the most of another day, albeit grey and wet! This lockdown has taken away my freedom but not my choice of how I use this time!

My great grandmother sailed to South Africa from France to escape religious persecution. My grandmother lost family and friends in two world wars. My mother was a young girl during the war and then had to fight a debilitating disease for a number of years! I come from a line of strong women, I’ll not let them down!👠

We are living in unprecedented times! Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I couldn’t get into my car and drive to the shops! I have my nails done every two weeks. I get my hair coloured and trimmed every six weeks. I visit the dentist every six months. I have a standard chiropodist appointment every two months.

Not anymore, or, at least, for the foreseeable future!

Life as we know it has changed dramatically.

No more hugging or kissing to greet family and friends. We can’t even visit family or friends even if we wanted to hug or kiss them! We are fast becoming a virtual society, something we have been actively fighting against. We have been trying to re-educate the younger generation to leave their mobile phones at home and get back to real, one to one, communication! Now we are asking for their help to stay in touch with our loved ones caught up in this Coronavirus pandemic!

But all is not doom and gloom. I’m looking outside my bedroom window. The sky is blue, a few hazy clouds waft slowly past. I heard the dawn chorus when I awoke earlier. Even though we feel that our world has been turned upside down, spring has arrived! Devoid of air traffic, fewer cars on the road and our busy, frenetic lives put on hold, can I be so bold as to suggest we take time to enjoy the warmer, longer days? If we look around, daffodils, crocuses, blossoms on trees and in hedgerows are all flowering in gay abandon. We have time to stop and ‘smell the roses’. We might be surprised at how good this newly enforced ‘freedom’ feels.

I am aware that not everyone has a garden but we are allowed out once a day to exercise. I do also realise that there are those being asked to self isolate for twelve weeks. My heart goes out to you but I am very hopeful that everyone will take this lockdown seriously so that you can come out of isolation as soon as possible. I also hope that you will get all the support you need to see you through these harrowing times. Where I can help I certainly will!

I’m jumping right out of my box when I say that I am taking one day at a time! I am only looking at the current day and trying to get some structure by planning a few activities, just for that day. I include boring things like housework but, if I take these chores in small bite sizes, they don’t seem so bad. On Tuesday I vacuumed, yesterday I dusted upstairs, today will be downstairs. That’s an hour a day accounted for. Tomorrow will be the bathrooms.

I don’t usually watch television during the day. Because we are not living ‘normal’ lives I can throw my rule book out the window and make a new one. Or, heaven forbid, not have any rules at all! I check the television guide and, if a good film or programme is showing, I watch, regardless of the time!

My husband and I do need to exercise as the gym has shut. Because the weather has been so good we have managed to have a long walk every day. Taking each day as it comes I have been able to factor these walks into my current daily schedule. I might not always have this luxury. Tomorrow might be wet and cold!

But I am trying to remain positive. The good weather helps. If our NHS staff and all the other critical workers in this country and around the world can risk their lives and those of their loved ones to go to work, I can stay at home! This way I am doing my bit to prevent the spread of this disease. And so, I hope, say all of us 👠

I’m struggling to write this blog. So much has happened over the last couple of weeks! I lost my beloved mother and then my dear, pragmatic mother in law on the night of Mum’s funeral service.

I’ll never forget Thursday the 19th March 2020!

Three days earlier my brother thought he had contracted Covid-19. I received his email directly after my cousin had rung to say that her and her seventy year old husband wouldn’t be attending Mum’s funeral service. This phone call on its own would not have caused any serious concern. However, all my friends had sent their apologies, leaving close family, just one couple, a dear friend and her husband and the lovely carers from Mum’s care home to join the small family gathering,

Panic ensued as I tried to find a vicar to replace my brother. He was taking the service! A friend suggested I contact her vicar and by the end of the evening I had found a replacement.

So not all bad? My daughter and her cousin from Australia were sharing the Tribute. I received a phone call from my daughter early the next morning, two days before the service. She either had a bad dose of flu, or the Coronavirus!

I surpassed panic! My daughter was very ill. I had to stay away from her and hope she would recover! A few hours later I received a phone call from my brother. He had woken up that morning feeling well, no high temperature and no cough. He rang 111 and was released from self isolation as his symptoms had lasted less than forty eight hours!

So I had to cancel the kind vicar who had offered herself as a replacement. Back on track? Alas not! We also had to cancel the wake. Due to the small number attending the funeral and ‘self distancing’ advice from the government, the decision was made with a heavy heart.

Thursday dawned, dull but dry. My mobile rang in the kitchen and my brother in law answered. My mother in law had been found unconscious and was being rushed to hospital! My husband decided to attend my mother’s funeral and then go to Leeds. His brother was already on his way to the hospital so would keep him updated.

My Australian niece and nephew managed to set up a link so that family and friends around the world were able to join us for the service. This meant so much to me and went a long way to ease the distress of the absence of my daughter and close family members. My daughter was able to give her tribute, which we heard loudly and clearly and she felt so much better being able to take part. I shall remain forever grateful to these two special young people!

Unfortunately my mother in law passed away that night. Bereft of both mother and mother in law and draconian travel restrictions now in place makes administration requirements almost impossible. Solicitors, death certificates, funeral arrangements must all be managed remotely. Kind neighbours are helping remove perishables and looking after my mother in law’s house.

We are where we are and ‘all in this together’! There is nothing we can do but knuckle down and wait for the Coronavirus pandemic to pass. By staying at home we are doing our bit to bring this virus under control. Nothing lasts forever, neither the good nor the bad. This was one of my lovely mother’s sayings.

So, Rest in Peace two very special ladies. You leave your legacy of dignity, care, kindness, compassion and a whole lot of love. We’ll miss you but our precious memories live on. Gone but never forgotten❤️

My dearest Mum

I can approach my farewell letter to you in one of two ways. I can feel bitter and angry about an evil, debilitating disease that finally destroyed you. Or I can look back on a life that was lived to the full and feel proud of what you achieved and grateful for the legacy you have left behind.

I’m going with the latter.

The last couple of months have been difficult. I have watched you struggle as dementia finally gained control. But you soldiered on, determined to fight this destructive disease with dignity and pride. I smiled when I saw you pull your skirt down if it rode above your knees. I loved the way you held your saucer and drank your tea like the lady you were.

But eventually the time comes when even the strongest and most resilient individual gives up the fight and goes to sleep!

So let us take a walk down memory lane.

Do you remember our school holidays when you took friends and cousins for picnics on the beach? How you laughed when a man drove past, opened his window and shouted ‘imagine having a family that size!’

And then there were the charity concerts you organised at the church. M and I were given the lead roles so you could ensure we learnt our lines (you were a perfectionist) but always very proud of us. Your three children were musical acts as well! We entertained ‘old dears’ in care homes, played our guitars and sang in community centres. At other times son D played the violin, I played the piano and M had the lovely singing voice.

You were never one to let the grass grow under your feet! You were always on a mission. You loved playing tennis and your glass was always half full! Actually, most times it overflowed!

When we had all flown the nest you started on your biggest challenge, to become a published author. You didn’t just get one book published! You got over a dozen with a number of them translated into many different languages!

You wrote articles for magazines and newspapers. You had your own column in a Kimberley newspaper, the Diamond Fields Advertiser, calling yourself Aunty Di. After moving to Johannesburg, you had a column in the Randburg Sun where you were known as Aunty Sue. You loved children and your grandchildren loved visiting because ‘Granny was such fun’!

I could go on and on! You achieved more than most people could ever dream of! The eldest in a family of ten, at ninety, you outlived a number of your siblings. You and Dad had the perfect marriage and I know that the years spent in Knysna were some of your happiest. Dad was a well known and respected wild life artist. You both had your ‘day jobs’ and met up at meal times. You read a chapter of your book to Dad and he would advise. In turn, you critiqued his paintings. A union made in heaven!

You were a beautiful woman and exuded confidence. Not many ladies in their fifties would embark on a modelling career. Well, you did and became a much sought after ‘Granny’ model!

You always had high standards and stuck to them! Every morning you would apply makeup and ensure your hair was immaculate. M and I have not let you down! We have followed by example.

You had a wicked sense of humour! When your sister visited the pair of you would be in hysterics, much to the annoyance of Dad. He would eventually leave the room, shaking his head, completely baffled! I can remember how, as a family, we laughed until tears streamed down our faces and our stomachs ached! And then we’d dance, for hours, music blaring, singing at the tops of our voices. Just the girls! Dad and D never got it!

So, it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye. The care you received was exemplary. I cannot praise those ‘angels’ enough. There is a special place in heaven for them. I am so grateful that you suffered no pain. Your passage from this world into the next was peaceful and dignified. I feel privileged that I was able to be there with you.

Rest in peace, Mum. I love you ❤️

Last week was not good. I became very stressed, more so than usual! However, waking up on Monday morning didn’t feel any different to any other Monday morning.

I had set the alarm for my early ‘Bodypump’ class. Children weren’t at school so my drive to the gym was effortless. I managed to run for fifteen minutes on the treadmill without wanting to tear my hair out from boredom! So this was a good start to a Monday.

The weather behaved long enough for my husband and I to have a three kilometre walk before lunch. My Fitbit was showing an impressive amount of steps! I had made him happy!

Monday began to deteriorate when I visited my mother. She was not looking well, very pasty and hadn’t taken any food or little liquid by late afternoon. I was given a glass of her energy drink and persevered for the next hour. My mother remains very stubborn. The care home have been told by her doctor not to ‘force feed’ her. They couldn’t even if they tried. There is no way my mother can be coaxed into taking either food or drink if she doesn’t want it!

I report back to my brother and sister every day. Monday’s text was not good. To make matters worse, my mother kept on looking at me with a strange expression on her face, as if she was trying to ask me something. It was also the afternoon that the senior carer told me that my mother’s skin had begun to break down and she had a bedsore.

Monday evening I had booked a visit to an osteopath as I was having problems with my right arm. This was annoying and, even though I had ignored it and carried on with my exercise routines, it wasn’t getting better. I rested it over weekends but the discomfort remained the same so decided that rest wasn’t the cure either!

It was pouring with rain and there wasn’t any parking at the surgery so I was stressed by the time I rang the doorbell a couple of minutes late. The session was not restful or calming as the osteopath found other problems with my body! I went in with a sore arm. I came out with a sore arm, back and neck!

That evening, after a relaxing bath, I decided to take my blood pressure. I am now on medication and have been told to take a blood pressure reading once a month. I should not have chosen that night! My blood pressure should have been at its lowest but it was way above normal and continued to climb steadily the next day! I do a really good panic! I have an irrational fear of taking my blood pressure! It reaches concerning levels at the doctor’s surgery and this is called ‘white coat syndrome’. I have the same panic buildup at home when I think about taking it myself! I’m not sure what that is called. Neurotic? Irrational? Paranoid? All of these!

Finally common sense prevailed and I took my blood pressure again a few days later and it was normal. But that didn’t help the week to improve. Wednesday I had to take the exercise class at the care home as my friend had visitors. I got up early to go through some of my trusted routines and plan the music. I’m not a natural teacher but don’t want to cancel as I know the residents really enjoy these classes. I usually drive home feeling relieved that the class is over, but also pleased with myself that I had made the effort. But I do find these solo classes stressful!

It has rained for weeks! On Thursday I just managed the dance and step class at the gym as my only source of exercise and spent the afternoon visiting my mother. This was another worrying day and I sent a text to my brother to ask if he could pay a visit. I really needed a bit of support and another perspective on my mother’s regression. Unfortunately he was busy until the end of next week.

So I had to sort myself out. I’m my worst critic and heap blame on myself at the drop of a hat! I over analyse situations and beat myself up whenever life’s curve balls land on my front lawn! It’s always my fault!

I rang my son in Boston on Friday night. I needed to hear the voice of reason. He didn’t fail me! ‘Take time out for yourself, Mum. When last have you done something for you?’ That has always smacked of self indulgence when I hear friends pampering themselves in spas and fancy retreats! He went on to give examples and left me feeling much better and even beginning to buy into the idea.

On Saturday morning I had a long conversation with my daughter who regularly tells me to ‘love myself’. Another wonderful breath of fresh air and she agreed with her brother. I needed to take some time out and do something I enjoy.

So, over the weekend I charged up my laptop that had gathered dust at the back of my dressing table. Oops! Shouldn’t have shared that … and started typing one of my unpublished novels also collecting dust at the top of my cupboard. I was taken back over thirty years when I had spent some time at home and researched the siege of Kimberley. I felt relaxed and contented for the first time in ages. I have seventeen chapters so will try and type a chapter a day. No pressure but spending time on myself. I promise not to feel guilty …👠

My mother is in a care home. She has been there for almost five years. She is battling end stage dementia. I find it hard to put into words how difficult these last few weeks have been. On Christmas Eve I was told that, at best, she had a couple of weeks left.

But Mum is still with us and soldiers on. She hardly eats anything but still takes sips of energy drinks throughout the day. I visit her, either in the morning or the afternoon. Because I have been spending so much time at the care home and because Mum has very limited conversational skills it has allowed me the opportunity to get to know the carers and some of the residents. So many residents don’t receive any visitors or, if they are lucky, once or twice a year! This I find abominable and inexcusable! It’s like leaving your close relative (could be parent or grandparent!) to the mercy of strangers and turning your back on them!

I say this because, even though a lot of research might have gone into choosing the ‘best’ care home if funding is available, without periodic checks, a residential home does not offer ’round the clock’ care and ‘needs’ can be missed or overlooked. This is not a criticism of any care home nor any carer, some of whom work tirelessly with insufficient remuneration! This is a sad fact of life!

There are also those who take a step back and leave the visits to one relative, offering minimal support when these visits are often stressful and upsetting. There are also relatives who live in other countries but their support can be given in the form of communication, telephone calls, emails etc. Sometimes just to talk to a close family member or know that they are thinking of you is enough to face the next visit!

So I spend time with some of the residents as well as my mother. I am generous with my hugs and listen to their complaints, concerns and often quite far fetched ‘ramblings’! Depending on their stage of dementia I can’t always understand them but I try to show sympathy or comment when appropriate! I’m not qualified in dealing with dementia but maybe ‘qualified by experience’ counts for something! It is heartbreaking watching some of these poor people and my heart goes out to them as they battle this cruel, wicked disease with no support from family or loved ones!

But I have also been humbled by the care offered by some of the staff. Their patience and kindness shows no bounds. These born carers treat their ‘charges’ with such respect and dignity. A care home is often where humanity begins and ends. This final stage in the battle against what is fast becoming an epidemic, can be hard enough to cope with and comprehend. Performing daily, often embarrassing functions without sympathetic support just doesn’t bear thinking about!

The residents I ‘visit’ come from all walks of life. There are teachers, scientists, authors, doctors, bomber pilots, to name but a few. They were pillars of our society and have been instrumental in paving the way for future generations to enjoy life without world wars or extreme poverty! They have helped and encouraged their children, grandchildren, pupils, patients, to lead fulfilled, happy lives. Yet these same pillars of the community now cry out for help but are so often neglected, ignored and forgotten.

Thank heavens for these ‘angels’ who have chosen this profession of care and who we trust to look after our loved ones. I have watched, while trying to coax my mother to take a drink, the respect they show a blind, deaf man who often becomes confused and cries out for help. I have seen how they take a woman in their arms as she sobs pitifully that her children are at home alone and she needs to get a taxi to feed them. I have seen the way they diffuse an incident when they open a door to a visitor and a few of the residents are waiting with their handbags and jackets, insisting on going home.

Of course not all careers show exemplary behaviour but a number working at my mother’s care home do. This is a comfort because I can’t be with her twenty four hours a day. But I have had to question incidents and have also lodged a few complaints. There have been management changes and most of my concerns have been due to lack of communication.

Life isn’t perfect and neither are care homes. To date my mother’s care, overall, has been fully acceptable. She was a character when she first arrived and could be very ‘feisty’! This has earned her a certain reputation. Being a published author has also allowed her a certain amount of respect. However, seeing her sitting quietly in her chair, showing little interest in her surroundings, dozing in between taking sips of liquid, is heartbreaking. Mum lived life to the full, was an eternal optimist and loved the start of each new, exiting week. Sometimes dwelling on the past has its pluses. The here and now for Mum is not how she would want anyone, especially her children, to remember her! 👠

We had to travel back to Leeds on Sunday and I was dreading the trip. The Met Office had issued an amber weather warning for wind and rain. Add spray on saturated roads and travelling conditions would be hazardous. Throw in Smart Motorways with reduced speed limits and I would never have chosen to travel. I would far rather have preferred sitting snug and warm watching a cowboy movie!

But, alas, life isn’t like that! We had to bite the bullet and hit the motorway, M56, M6, M62 before we headed off down minor roads. The ‘controller’ of Smart Motorways was having a laugh! We were warned about ‘debris on the road’, 40 mph! Then we were told about ‘obstacles on the road’ 40 mph! There followed an ‘incident in the road’ 40 mph! ‘Spray on the road’ told us to travel at 50 mph. ‘Beware flooding on the road’ soon followed. We saw and experienced nothing! A small puddle was the flood and there is always a problem with spray whenever it rains. We didn’t need a warning and would have kept our distance without one!

We finally arrive at the little village where my mother in law lives. A car had parked across the road! We were told that this was because the river had burst its banks and a house close by didn’t want cars splashing water into their property! So we had a further twenty minutes detour before we reached our destination! I didn’t realise home owners could take the law into their hands and stop traffic driving past their houses!

When I lived in South Africa we knew that we lived in a country which had extreme weather! We’d have drought with blazing hot summers and I remember going to church to pray for rain. Floods often followed and I have had a near death experience when sluice gates were opened without warning. Our car was halfway across a bridge when we heard a roar and saw a wave of water rushing towards us. My daughter was a few months old and I had her lying in my arms, sitting in the passenger seat. Child car seats hadn’t been invented forty odd years ago!

We should never have crossed the bridge in the first place because the water was far too high but the driver thought he was infallible! The car cut out and I closed my eyes as I leaned forward in the vain hope of protecting my child. What seemed like an age the car burst into life again and we managed to get to the other side split seconds before the deluge struck. The noise was deafening. ‘Knew we’d make it’ the idiotic driver smirked. ‘The devil looks after his own’ came my furious reply!

Not living in the north of Scotland, on a river bank or a flood plane , the U.K. weather is rarely a concern for us. When I worked and had to leave early in the morning I have had problems digging my car out of the snow and gritting and scraping the hill outside our house. But that was not a regular occurrence and soon forgotten. Only once in the eighteen years I have lived in this house have I seen destructive gusts of wind. Driving home one evening I watched in horror as a wooden shed uprooted and landed a few feet from my car. Only once have I not been able to get home from work because of snow but my parents had lived close by so could park my car in their driveway and walk home.

So I am grateful that Storm Ciara has not been more than a nuisance and the dire weather warnings have not caused us anything other than a slow trip to Leeds. I know others have not be so lucky and hope that there is no loss of life or any severe flooding. The Australian fires have been horrendous and when I see the devastation caused by hurricanes and brutal storms around the world I am very grateful that I live in a secluded part of England. We do have many grey, wet days and sometimes summer has passed us by, but it could be far worse! My grass is not greener on the other side! 👠