There are few things in life that can turn a perfectly pleasant human being into a thoroughly unpleasant one! There’s lack of sleep, unexpected bills or discovering you have no internet service when you want to watch the final episode of Traitors.
Alas, nothing comes close to the personality transformation which happens to me when I get hungry. I don’t mean just feeling peckish around meal times, I’m talking about full on Hangry when I haven’t eaten for sixteen hours or more. Let me clarify. On Tuesday mornings I do a tough thirty minute exercise class, then an hour and a half yoga before breakfast which is around 1.00 pm. My digestive system struggles with exercising after food so this is how I have to roll.
So, Tuesday mornings are the ultimate test of my character. In fact, I always hope that I don’t meet anyone I know on my walk home from the Park Room. My stomach is staging a full scale protest, my patience had long packed its bags and left and my ability to engage in polite conversation hangs by a very slender thread. You would have thought that Yoga would teach me the art of inner peace, breathing and mindfulness. By the time I lie down for the fifteen minute relaxation session, all I want to do is inhale something edible. Fresh air, who needs that? I’d much rather breathe in a huge bowl of cereal with all the trimmings!
In fact, if scientists ever got around to studying the Hangry condition, I could be considered a particularly interesting case. Perhaps ‘Hangry’ should be officially recognised as a medical condition. When walking down The Dell on Tuesdays I should wear a large red alert button on my forehead. A warning that I have lost all interest in civilised behaviour so don’t stop me to chat about the weather. Don’t be nice to me, be cheerful or friendly. I’m a walking humanitarian crisis! I’ll probably say something I’ll live to regret!
Under normal circumstances there are warning triggers which I don’t generally ignore. Stage one is hearing my stomach rumble. Stage two, the thought of food insidiously creeps in and slowly takes over. Stage three, I become unreasonably irritable. Stage four I find everyone around me intensely annoying even if they’re not doing anything. Stage five is when I get a complete personality transplant and should be avoided at all costs!
It’s quite extraordinary how quickly symptoms disappear once nourishment has been administered! I leave the house on a Tuesday morning a pleasant reasonable human being. When I return I’ve morphed into someone contemplating divorce, murder and possibly a bit manic. And keep me away from any sharp objects! After my bowl of cereal the world becomes a happier place and the person I agreed to spend my life with, has miraculously transformed back into the man who swept me off my feet all those years ago!
So, perhaps world peace isn’t as complicated as we think! Wars could end, political disagreements evaporate and international relations immediately improve. Before world leaders walk into the United Nations building for diplomatic negotiations, hand out large quantities of fresh, sizzling bacon sandwiches!
Just get the kettles on, fire up the frying pans and take out the HP sauce. Britain could once more rule the world with a decent bacon butty and a cup of tea! 👠
