Jenny Burrell

I hate packing for holidays. I really haven’t a clue what the take with me. My husband tells me it’s because I have too much choice. He could be right but I’m not letting him know that!

Were going to Madeira for a week. Part of the time will be taken up with some ‘serious’ walking so those clothes are easiest to pack. The rest of the week will be wandering around Funchal, sightseeing and tasting different ports and sherries. That’s the challenge!

All my sandals are in the loft. My summer ‘holiday clothes’ (these are years old so I’m not being pretentious!) are in plastic containers, also in the loft. We are staying at a fancy hotel (Reid’s, now I am being pretentious but we got a good deal!), so need to look respectable, especially in the evenings.

So, I have four different types of clothes I need to pack, hiking, casual, semi-casual and smart! A challenge for anyone, but for me, it’s like climbing Ben Nevis! I’ve done that too so am speaking from experience! I always thought that, once I was a ‘Lady of Leisure’ I’d have time to pack properly and would eventually become an expert! I could write about it in my blog and help anyone who might have inherited the same debilitating gene as I obviously have! Alas, this isn’t going to happen!

I looked at the weather forecast for Madeira for next week. What a disappointment! It’s the same as ours! That should make packing easier. No need for summer clothes or sandals but not cold enough for boots and fur jackets.

So, I go back to the drawing board. I pack a few pairs of smart jeans, trousers and shirts. I throw in a few jackets and that will be the smart, smart casual and casual. My hiking clothes are already in the suitcase. Life is too short to waste doing a tedious chore and one that I seldom get right anyway!

I’m as ready as I’ll ever be! I surreptitiously place my toiletries bag next to my husband’s suitcase as it’s heavy and this is what I do! His suitcase is always lighter than mine. Something he also finds hard to understand because his clothes and shoes are heavier. I just have a lot more ‘choice’ rammed into mine! Not rocket science!

I’m ready for the taxi in the morning. The alarm clock is set, the newspapers cancelled, my mother has enough money for her hairdos and excursions and our neighbours have been asked to put out our wheelie bin.

Roll on Madeira!👠

I had a stressful job. I used to wake up at night, in a cold sweat, worrying about work. I became a ‘Lady of Leisure’ last June so have had nine months without work related stress.

My ‘bewitching’ hour had always between 1:00 am and 2:00 am. I would sometimes hear the grandfather clock strike one but always two. Most nights, if I was awake longer than an hour, I’d get up and feel my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. I’ve heard that almonds aid sleep so would have a mug of hot milk, a handful of almonds and sit in front of the television. At that ‘bewitching’ hour the choice of programmes was very limited. It was either ‘The Walton’s’ , or ‘Little House on the Prairie’. The films were never my ‘cup of tea’ and the news programmes depressing!

I needed to watch something innocuous so that I could turn my overactive brain off and try to relax. Other than a current work related problem, being a manager also meant that I would sometimes have my colleagues to worry about as well!

But the other night I found myself sitting in the television room nursing a mug of hot milk and munching almonds. The reason for this insomnia was ridiculous! I had made a list of things to do before the summer and this list had resulted in a recurrence of my ‘bewitching hour stress syndrome’!

I sat staring at the culprit as I sipped the warm milk. Paint the fence, paint the two benches (colour to be decided!) scrape the moss off the roof of the ‘teak house’ at the bottom of the garden. Power wash the paving, plant the hanging baskets, deep clean and treat the ‘soft top’ of my car. Get husband to make wooden boxes and plant lettuce and tomatoes, re-pot herbs, get and paint large tubs for the front of the house (colour to be decided!). I had twenty two items on my list.

The clock struck 3:00 am. I sat with one eye on ‘The Walton’s ‘ and another, pen poised, about to add even more items to the list.

And then, out of the blue, common sense prevailed, forcing it’s way through the chaos and turmoil that ‘spring cleaning’ had inflicted on my still fragile brain. With a flourish it took control! My hands found themselves screwing up the piece of paper and flinging it on to the floor!

I sat staring at this piece of paper for a while, not quite believing what I had done! My first thought was to retrieve it, but, surprisingly, I left it alone! A few minutes later I turned off the television, switched off the light and blindly made my way up the stairs!

I was cold and so was my side of the bed. It took a while to feel the circulation returning to my feet but I didn’t hear the 4:00 pm chime so did finally drift off into a dream-filled sleep!

I suppose habit dies hard. I had become so used to worrying about something and have had a huge concern regarding members of my immediate family, as shared in a previous blog. My brain is wired in ‘worry’ mode so will take a significant amount of conscious effort to get it ‘re-wired’.

But I’m on the case! Step one was screwing up the paper. Step two was going downstairs the next morning and throwing it in the bin. There will always be hurdles to clear. It’s called life. I just have to face them and get over them without dragging a load of negativity and debilitating baggage with me! The secret is to lighten the load by removing the ‘small stuff’ and not worrying about the things I can’t change.

That’s come from the sensible, logical smaller part of my brain! It needs to take over! My challenge for 2019 and beyond! I’ll keep you posted. 👠

I am a lady of a certain age. I look after my body. I exercise regularly, eat healthily and only have wine with my meals over weekends. Okay, so I also have one or two G&T’s but that is also only at weekends!

I look after my skin and have spent a significant amount of my hard earned cash on face creams and treatments. I’m not gullible when it comes to advertisements unless they promise to eradicate wrinkles and restore youthful elasticity!

When I was not a ‘Lady of Leisure’ I worked my way through all the top brands. I bought these magic potions, duty free when travelling or in the United States (always cheaper!), when we visited our family. I built up an impressive collection of samples and free gifts so my daughter and daughter-in-law also benefitted from my extravagances. They never complained!

Whenever I received compliments about my skin I could justify the expense. I never suffered from spots, only occasional allergic reactions. When working I was significantly more stressed and survived on just a few hours sleep. I am now much more physically active and my sleep patterns have improved!

When I stopped earning a salary I did cut back on the top brands as my husband’s mantra that my mother had only ever used soap, water and Olay needed to be tested! Her skin is beautiful. Perhaps I could have inherited some good genes and didn’t need to one day choose between a tub of face cream and a slice of bread!

So I lowered my expectations and bought a cheaper brand of day, night, eye cream and serum. Every day I carefully scrutinised my face, peering into a magnifying mirror, wearing my reading glasses. It didn’t take long to notice the difference! I had developed dry patches and some discolouration on one of my cheeks. That was all I needed to prove my husband wrong! I shared these blemishes with him before heading off to the shops to restock my bathroom cupboard! I had made my choice! It was going to be the tub of face cream!

So why have I now suddenly developed teenage acne?

I have tried everything. I have once more changed my face creams. I have even gone so far as to adjust my diet, drink even more water and changed the foundation I have used for years! I have an impressive array of face cleansers and added regular exfoliations, scrubs and face packs to my weekly routine. I have left no stone unturned.

So, out of desperation I have made an appointment with a skin clinic. I had to explain that I was a post menopausal acne sufferer. So embarrassing! So annoying!

I’m aware that I’m sweating the small stuff! There are so many people worse off than me. But I need to get it sorted! Perhaps I should start using soap, water and buy a bottle of Olay…… Maybe then I could look forward to bread and jam in my old age! 👠

Last week my brother came to visit his mother. It was a Wednesday and my friend and I had given the morning exercise class. I was told when I got there that Mum wasn’t well and they had put her to bed. When I checked up on her she was fast asleep.

After the exercise class I saw the manager who explained that Mum had a stomach bug but they were keeping a close eye on her. It was too late to let my brother know and he arrived for lunch but decided not to visit. He didn’t want to risk catching her ‘lurgi’!

I visited the next day and Mum was up and in the communal sitting room watching one of the old war movies. The care home must have masses of these DVD’s stashed away! Or else it’s the same one and I see different sections or, heaven forbid, have forgotten what I saw the previous week!

But this visit was different. Mum’s eyes didn’t light up when she saw me. I didn’t even notice a flicker of recognition. I greeted Mum with my usual hug and kiss and asked how she was doing. I got no reply, just a blank stare. I tried talking to her but it didn’t seem as if she was able to hear me.

A senior carer walked past and I asked if it was possible to book a doctor’s appointment (a doctor visits the care home once a week) so that she could have her ears checked. She made a note on her hand (this seems to be the official way when out of the office!) and I went back to Mum.

I read her two children’s stories, Sleeping Beauty and Goldilocks. I doubt Mum took any notice but a few of the residents sitting close by showed some interest so I persevered! I didn’t stay longer than half an hour and left, feeling a lot sadder than when I had arrived!

I know that the time will come when Mum won’t recognise me. I also know that she is not going to get better. Over the years I have mourned the loss of a mother and a dear friend and finally accepted the inevitable. But the ghost-like frail, grey haired old lady sitting next to me I found unnerving. Mum has a beautiful skin but it had looked almost transparent. The watery February sun shining through the window had cast a shadow over her dark brown lifeless eyes. She had sat motionless throughout my visit.

So that was how I had left her last Thursday. I made regular phone calls over the weekend from Leeds where we were visiting my Mother-in-law. I went back to the care home on Monday. Mum recognised me and was more attentive but there has definitely been another regression. She goes down in levels and then seems to plateau for a while. I believe this is normal, if there can be anything normal about dementia!

But life goes on. The sun has gone back into hiding and February’s cold, dank weather has returned. All good things come to an end! Alas! 👠

I’ve heard and seen a woodpecker! I know it’s not the official sign that Spring is waiting just around the corner, but it’s worked for me each year! And this year it’s two weeks early!

We have had a mild winter despite the dire warnings in November that we were moving into a period of extreme weather. Not one to cast aspersions on the experts but our weather forecasts are seldom accurate, especially the longer term ones (greater than one day!). Not having to work and knowing that my husband would be retiring around the end of January I was looking forward to sitting next to a roaring fire. I would watch the snow falling without the stress of having to get up our hill early the next morning. The younger generation always waited for us to clear a path for their four wheeled drives and would then follow on behind us! I am not being ageist. This has been a proven fact for the last seventeen years!

So, alas, we have not had the promised snow and minus temperatures but an extremely mild winter. All the bugs we hoped would get wiped out are alive and well! The slugs, snails and mosquitoes are just waiting to escape their cozy hibernation to terrorise me and my garden when the days grow longer and brighter.

I went for a walk with a friend yesterday. We reminded ourselves that it was only the middle of February and the snow drops and daffodils on higher ground were all in full bloom. We even have a red currant tree in our garden that we should have pruned in autumn which is now already covered in blossoms. As the ‘glass half empty’ person, I reminded my friend that it’s still not too late for the arctic weather to arrive and wipe out these early signs of spring!

It was March a few years ago that I left the office early one Friday afternoon. We were having new carpets laid and needed to get all the desks and computers out in time for the fitters to arrive at 5:00 pm. I decided to do the weekly grocery shopping as the predicted bad weather hadn’t arrived. I left my briefcase in the boot of the car together with my mobile phone.

The first flakes of snow were falling as I loaded the car and set off home. I crossed the motorway, and headed up into the countryside. The snow had begun to fall think and fast in huge flakes and I was finding it difficult to see my way along the narrow country roads. As I reached the top of a small hill I noticed a number of cars had stopped, their bright red break lights etched against the now black sky.

I slowed down then tried to stop. My car carried on sliding. I could feel my heart pounding and, with eyes the size of saucers, waited for the inevitable thud as I crashed into the car in front. I was lucky. I slid to a halt inches away from its bumper. I opened my window as a man came over to my car. ‘You’ll never get down that hill! My Range Rover has stuck half way. Best to turn around and head back onto the motorway. All the back roads will be shut’.

I retrieved my mobile phone from the boot of the car and noticed about ten missed calls from my husband. He had been warning me for the last few hours to get home!

I did eventually! Many hours later. I had to dump my car in the village and walk home, in my once beautiful suede boots! Carrying my briefcase and struggling through many inches of snow in high heels was no mean feat! The groceries were fine! They froze overnight!

That is why we aren’t out of the winter woods yet! From that day to this I carry my phone with me wherever I go! I am always contactable no matter where I am or what I am doing! So, I still might be able to sit next to a roaring fire watching snow flakes falling gently outside. I won’t stress that I have to get up early the next morning to clear the hill! This challenge will now be left to the young ones! The exercise will do them good!👠

I’m not at home alone anymore. My husband retired officially on Friday. He had to get to work for a final 8:00 am presentation so I set the alarm and placed it strategically at the side of his bed. I gave strict instructions not to be woken at 7:00 am because Ladies of Leisure only gently ease themselves out of bed around 8:00 am!

I vaguely heard the alarm. I’d not had a good night and had sat downstairs at 2:15 am finishing my book. Just after 5:00 am I had crept quietly back to bed so was finally ‘away with the fairies’ when my husband left the house.

I was, however, abruptly shaken awake a short while later and thought that I had slept until lunchtime when my husband was due back home! A ‘numptie’ had driven into the back of his pride and joy while he had stopped at the end of a long queue. An even longer line of bright red break lights, winding around a corner, were clearly visible for all to see. Not, it transpired, by the young man behind the wheel of his mini. He had jumped out of his car after the impact and asked my very surprised husband why he had stopped!

So we have the inconvenience of having to wait four days to get a replacement vehicle with only my impractical two seater sports car at our disposal. I’ll have to restrict the weekly shopping and it rules out taking my mother and her carer for tea! My husband’s retirement has stared with a bang but not the type of bang we had envisaged!

I have been working on an ever increasing ‘diy’ list. I’ll leave him to get lulled into a false sense of security before sharing it with him over the weekend! My husband has already decided on the local gym he’ll be joining. When I dragged him to friends for coffee this morning he has shown an interest in the snooker club which meets every Monday and Friday afternoons. On second thoughts, perhaps I should hand the list over now. I’ll have to stake my claim earlier than I had imagined or else I could miss the boat!

There is already a hive of activity upstairs. One of the bedroom’s window latches has broken. This isn’t on my list. The neat and tidy bedroom is now filled with a tool box and a mountain of tools, half of which have been spread across the immaculately made bed and the newly dusted window ledge.

There are papers in the sitting room relating to the insurance claim on the damaged car. The cabinet under the stairs has become the new receptacle for keys, glasses and a flat cap. There is an anorak thrown over the wine rack and another jacket hanging up on the banister. The television room sofa has a general knowledge book and a newspaper on the cushion where I sit in the mornings with my first cup of coffee.

And this is Monday morning. Day one of the start of the next phase of our lives. I think we need some ground rules. I’ll start another list. I also need a list for the daily / weekly housework. I don’t intend to do everything myself! Or maybe I just go to the unemployment office this afternoon and register for part time work. I’m not sure that this house is big enough to two POL’s. (People of Leisure).

So there is another challenge to go with all my others! There is always the garden when the weather improves. Oh dear, that could mean another list …….👠

Sometimes the curve balls life throws at you can have devastating consequences. The last few weeks have been unpleasant for my family, to say the least! For the umpteenth time I have proof that something that I have never worried about, or ever given a second thought to, has happened, suddenly and out of the blue!

When I was growing up my mother used to say ‘Nothing lasts forever, not the good times nor the bad, but when you do have good times, make them really good!’ I found this quite a negative statement and couldn’t relate to it until I left home and went into the real world.

I am very grateful that I don’t have a crystal ball! I would hate to have known the rocky paths I would blindly follow and the numerous ‘bad’ decisions I would make. I have also made some really good decisions and I appreciate and value these.

So, the last few weeks have been awful. I have battled through a maze, trying to find a tunnel, any tunnel that had a tiny speck of light at its end. The heartbreak a mother feels watching her child and family go through purgatory is not one that can be imagined, and neither should it!

I couldn’t write in my blog, it was enough just to get through a day focussing on helping and supporting those I hold most dear. I remember when my son had pneumonia. He was a little boy, about four and they didn’t have any room in the children’s ward so put him in with men. I sat at his bedside as he slept and would have given anything to take away his pain. If only I could have changed places with him! I would have done that in a heart beat!

I have been back to that place many times over the years, for both my son and daughter. No matter how old your child, you never stop being their mother! All that happens is your love for your children expands to include their families and spouses.

But last night, through the maze, I found a tunnel. There is a candle burning at its end. I can see it flickering and I am going to focus on that candle and will it to grow and become a bright shining light.

If the saying is true that love conquers all, let this be the proof! Also, let us all hope and pray for a cure for all mental illnesses. I shall continue to support and try and raise as much money as possible so that our brilliant scientists around the world can work together and banish this hideous scourge forever!

Amen👠

Last Saturday my husband and I had to take his mother to hospital to be assessed. Not knowing the outcome or duration of the visit we went to a medical museum in the grounds of the hospital.

It was fascinating. It was also very humbling. We were transported back in time, down a street in the slums of Leeds in 1842. It was dark, smelly, with rats and fleas crawling all over the walls and floors. The sound effects helped to magnify the poverty and degradation suffered by men, women and children just existing from one day to the next. Survival of the fittest but at what cost?

There was a huge array of surgical instruments dating back to Roman times. To us, fortunate enough to be living in the twenty first century, they displayed some amazing, and often amusing, diagnoses and treatments. The Black Death, tuberculous and influenza wiped out huge swathes of the population in the UK and around the world.

I doubt that few people lived long enough to get dementia and mental illness certainly wasn’t the scourge to society it is today. As we live longer and find cures for diseases that wiped out families in the eighteenth, nineteenth and twentieth centuries, new ones seem to be replacing the old.

it is very hard for us to accept that the person we are looking at and speaking to is physically the one we know and love, yet mentally there is a dis-connect which needs to be treated. Dementia is one example, but other types of mental health problems can affect anyone at any age.

Any one of us can be struck down by this scourge that causes damage to the brains of unsuspecting healthy, strong men and women. It sweeps away all logic and brings heartache and pain. Millions of families are just trying to get through their stress-filled busy days earning an honest living and wanting to support their loved ones as best as possible.

Until now mental illness has been swept under the carpet. It’s been a family’s embarrassing secret, rarely discussed. But, thankfully, times are beginning to change. Walking around that medical museum last week I can imagine that mental illness, in all its forms, will follow a similar path. It has been formerly recognised and research has begun. It will take time to find a cure but hopefully we have already reached the stage where we are given the necessary tools and medication to manage it.

Maybe future generations will visit museums and be able to track the process which has led to a cure. They will feel sad and amazed at some of the initial quack treatments offered to these poor people. But, like the Black Death, smallpox, polio and tuberculosis, cures would have been found and the quality of our lives vastly improved.

Until then we have to rely on what is currently available and a very strong support network of family and friends. This support network is crucial in the management of all debilitating, cruel mental illnesses and, until we have a cure, as important as the current treatments offered.

Its Wednesday and I’m on my way to the care home for their weekly exercise class. This is my tiny contribution to improve the quality of a few people’s lives but every little helps. 👠

I read a newspaper most days and then try to complete the easy crossword puzzle every evening. This is to aid my fight against dementia! I flip through the news and there are often articles on health and exercise. I sometimes watch television programmes relating to the same as I am interested in keeping myself as healthy as possible, as you’ve probably guessed!

Donald Trump introduced the term ‘fake news’. That is one way of getting out of situations when you are guilty or, in my case, trying to make sense of all the conflicting articles!

Years ago, when i lived in South Africa, someone somewhere decided that cabbage was carcinogenic! We subsequently never ate cabbage for years. Slightly burnt toast was the next hapless victim but my mother ignored this decree. She is eighty nine and still doesn’t have cancer.

Cooking spray, vegetable oil and even olive oil have warnings attached. You can’t cook with butter because it will raise your cholesterol and you’ll have a heart attack or stroke. If you have a Sunday roast it comes with dire warnings. Make sure that your vegetables don’t get too crispy or, heaven forbid, burn even slightly because that will significantly raise your risk of getting cancer.

Then we get to alcohol. This gets even more confusing! The first government guideline I can remember advised twenty eight units for men and twenty one for women. This was lowered to twenty one units for men and fourteen for women with at least two alcohol free days every week. Women should not have more than two small glasses of wine a day, which is two units so how can we be allowed fourteen units a week, two alcohol free days and not have any ‘binge’ days?

Then we got new government guidelines suggesting only seven units a week for both men and women! One female member of parliament has told us that every glass of wine we drink we have to understand that it will significantly raise our risk of getting breast cancer!

I have read a number of articles on dementia. In most of them it advises drinking a glass of read wine every night as part of a healthy diet. This will significantly reduce our risk of getting this awful disease! In the same newspaper and on the same day I read that the new government guidelines now suggest being teetotal is the only way to increase our life expectancy!

The diet that we are told is the best in the world is the Mediterranean one! They use a lot of olive oil which we have been told is carcinogenic if it gets even slightly burnt. They also drink a lot of wine! Perhaps their stress levels are lower and their weather significantly better than ours so maybe this could also play a part in their longevity? Or am I being precocious?

When it comes to exercise more confusion reigns! We have been told that road running is hazardous to knees and people my age should totally avoid it! On Monday I watched a programme that turned this directive on its head! Did you know that road running is actually very beneficial to knees and this has been scientifically proven!

I could write reams on this topic! I’m fortunately not as gullible as I was in my youth! I do enjoy good wine and roasts. I don’t have either every day. Moderation has become my new mantra. For me, doing the exercises I enjoy, keeping my weight at an achievable level and not depriving myself of any treats is the way to go!

I could get ridden over by a bus having never experienced a delicious Shiraz or a rare ribeye steak! Life is too short! I don’t have a crystal ball! I don’t want one! I just want a good quality of life. Don’t we all? 👠

We are being bombarded by diets. I know it’s that time of year but, open any newspaper or magazine and on television, we, the overweight ‘gullible public’, are given every choice to shift those unwanted Christmas pounds!

And we, the ‘gullible public’, seeing all these celebrities jumping onto the bandwagon and publishing their books filled with ‘photoshopped’ before and after photographs (okay, I’m a cynic) are brainwashed into feeling guilty and disgusted with the sizes and shapes of our bodies.

I have so been there! Even though I have never been on the ‘obese’ spectrum I have often wanted to shift a few pounds! I have tried many of these faddish diets with no long term success! It took me until my late fifties to realise this!

I have always been extremely body conscious. When I was a lot younger I was very thin and unfortunately kept that image as my ultimate goal weight for many years. As I moved through the decades and my body shape changed, keeping hold of this almost anorexic image just made me more determined to shift pounds and exercise to get back to that pre-baby, young teenage shape. Totally unrealistic but the illogical part of my brain was always the dominant one and ruled my life for decades!

But, I have moved on! I don’t know what made me finally accept the ‘me’ I see in the mirror. I didn’t have an epiphany. It was a gradual realisation that the unrealistic image of my body I had clung to for so long had to go!

I used to wear shoulder pads to improve my shape and never look like a pear! I wore leg warmers to enlarge my calves when wearing jeans or trousers! Instead of shopping for clothes to suit my body shape, I followed the fashion trends and used all these often uncomfortable ‘enhancements’ to give me the look I wanted. I’ll tell you a little secret. For many very uncomfortable years I wore tight skirts that showed no lumps or bumps by forcing my poor body into ‘two-ways’ and sitting at a desk for hours suffering often extreme pain and discomfort.

Yes, I deserved all that pain and discomfort but that just shows how bad my problem was! And then the realisation slowly, surreptitiously, began to dawn on me! I found a style that suited me and was comfortable and allowed a few (not too many!) lumps to show. I also changed my lifestyle to suit me. I started running, something I had always wanted to do, slowly building up to five kilometres with no ridiculous pressure to achieve marathon status!

I now choose the exercises I enjoy and, the big bonus, am accepting that the weight I feel the best and is the most achievable is not the waif-like seven stone of my youth. I am not the same woman my husband married. I hope that I am better! Sensible and happy in my own skin. Yes, Christmas does put on a few extra pounds but they soon fall off when life returns to normal. I don’t count calories on holiday either. What a pleasure to embrace special foods and nice wines a few times a year and then enjoy getting back to normal for the months in between.

So, I’m not qualified to give any advice and certainly would not have the audacity to tell anyone what to do! I have just shared my experience with you and want to wish you all a marvellous, happy, healthy, stress-free 2019! 👠