Author: Jenny’s Brave New World!

My friend and I went to see the latest ABBA movie last Friday. I had checked the times and we were at the cinema for the 12:30pm show. However, there wasn’t a 12:30pm show! The times had changed and the next show was at 2:50pm. Our disappointment was obvious and the management took pity on us. We were given two complimentary premium seat tickets for 2:50pm!

About 10 years ago I saw the live show of Mama Mia and danced in the isle with the rest of our crazy party. The current film was met with a milder reception but the tunes are very ‘catchy’ and there was some spectator participation.

When a friend turned 60, a few years ago, we arranged a surprise meal for her in a hotel in Devon, where they had recently relocated. There was a dance in the main dining room later that evening. This was a small private hotel and we must have been the youngest residents. We were met with a sing-a-along to post war golden oldies and a few pairs shuffling around the dance floor.

The six of us are very good friends even though the three girls are so different. One is an extreme extrovert, one on the other side of the spectrum and I’m ‘middle of the road’. We had just enjoyed a super meal accompanied by a few bottles of good wine. The extrovert, the birthday girl, like me, loves to dance. Unfortunately none of us are ballroom dancers so needed a change of music. The ‘DJ’ must have been instructed on the age demographic and had come prepared. However, he also had an ABBA cd and that was all we needed! To the strains of ‘Dancing Queen’ the extrovert and I found two empty bottles and hit the dance floor, which had suddenly emptied. The introvert looked on horrified as we prised the microphone off the ‘DJ’ and got her to join us. Three husbands looked on, bemused. At the end of the song we bowed and were amazed when some of the residents stood up and applauded! So, for the next half an hour, we ‘entertained’ the aged audience, finally leaving the dance floor, exhausted. Fortunately the next morning we still had access to our private dining room and, after breakfast, slipped out quietly never to return!

But, over the years, ABBA has brought a lot of pleasure to a lot of people. Residents at my mother’s care home love the songs we sometimes play at their weekly exercise classes. On Saturday I gave my mother a manicure and we danced to ‘Waterloo’ in her room, waving our arms around to dry her nail varnish!

So, even though I’m not a huge ABBA fan, I have admiration for them. Their music has stood the test of time and is enjoyed by many different age groups. This is quite a feat in this day and age! 👠

I’m struggling with having all this wonderful time and lack of deadlines. I’m finding it hard to estimate how long it takes to do certain basic tasks. This week has been a prime example of time mis-management.

So far I’ve had a hair appointment and two lunch dates. On all three occasions I’ve started the morning well, planned an hour’s housework leaving plenty of time to get ready to go out.

But, as with all good intentions, I always seem to spend longer than planned on a job around the house, answering an email or even just getting dressed and doing hair and makeup! I’m struggling to fathom out what happens to time. On Monday morning the clock showed 9:19 am. Within a split second the hands had moved to 9:55 am!

As I write this I’m beginning to feel embarrassed. I am a woman of a certain age, have had a very responsible job meeting all deadlines, never late for work and even surviving on 4 or 5 hours sleep. Yet I have got myself quite stressed this week rushing to my appointments in a panic because I don’t want to be late.

So this is my new challenge. As with all aspects of life, balance is important. My time management skills have become a victim of my new ‘Lady of Leisure’ status and I certainly don’t want to create heightened stress levels because I can’t meet enjoyable deadlines!

I’m having a busy week. I’m out for lunch again today and going to see the new Mama Mia movie with a friend tomorrow. I have a list of housework ‘chores’ that have yet to be completed. I don’t do any housework over weekends as they are my days of rest! Perhaps part of this new found problem could be linked to ‘housework avoidance syndrome’, if there is such a malady! Even adding to my daily Fitbit step count hasn’t resulted in job satisfaction!

I have decided to make a list of duties I have to complete every day. I have five days to clean the house but need to allow time for the garden and my extra-mural activities! I’m sure it won’t be long before I’ll find ways around juggling chores with gardening, walking, lunches, exercise classes etc. And if something has to take second place, well so be it! Fitbit is easily pleased, just as long as I put one foot in front of the other! 👠

When I worked I often had sleepless nights, but there was a reason for this. I can worry for Africa, Asia and often the rest of the world! So there were occasions when I lay awake agonising over an issue and no matter how hard I tried, couldn’t ‘switch off’. But I knew why I couldn’t sleep!

On Sunday night I went to bed, struggled through a crossword puzzle, read an article in a magazine (nothing contentious), all following my nightly routine. Aware that my husband had to get up early on Monday morning I turned off the light at the usual time and settled down for the night. Wide awake!

What I should have done was go downstairs, get a warm glass of milk and a handful of almonds (apparently almonds help you to sleep!) and watch something mindless on the television. Instead I decided to try one of the many suggestions I had heard over the years to aid sleep.

I counted sheep, a lot of sheep, eventually colour coding them and throwing in a few sheep dogs. They herded the sheep over lush green fields, getting 50 into each pen. That’s where the colour coding came in. I had white, white with black heads, brown sheep all being herded by hyper-active sheep dogs darting around frantically selecting their colour sheep and steering them into their allotted pens.

That didn’t work so I tried the next ‘sleeping aid’. Starting from my toes, I relaxed them and then squeezed them tightly, relaxed my feet, squeezed them tightly and moved up to my calves, knees and on to my thighs. Alas, that is where this exercise failed miserably. I got cramp in my left thigh. The pain was excruciating! I stumbled out of bed, trying to be quiet so as not to wake the worker! After limping up and down the hallway and massaging my thigh, the pain eased and I got back into bed. Wide awake!

The next thing I tried was taking a worry, imagine writing it down on a piece of paper and placing it under the bed. Easy. But I wasn’t worrying about anything much so had to really concentrate. It wasn’t long before I had found the first worry and then the flood gates opened. Some of my worries had been very well buried and long forgotten. I decided to get up before I did any more damage to body or mind.

The grandfather clock chimed three. In the dark I carefully counted the stairs, thirteen and made my way to the kitchen. I heated up a glass of milk, took a handful of almonds and settled in front of the television to watch ‘Little house on the Prairie’. It worked.

I survived on two hours sleep yesterday. I didn’t have to go to work and make decisions, ensure there were the correct number of noughts on a payment document or deal with staff issues. I took things easy, went for a long walk with a couple of friends and still managed 10,000 steps! I don’t know why I couldn’t sleep and I don’t care. What a difference being ‘a lady of leisure’ makes. 👠

Yesterday I met my ex-boss for coffee. Unlike a lot of people who resign, I have kept on good terms with my colleagues. My ex-boss soon became a friend as well as my manager but had only been with the company for three months when I handed in my notice, through no fault of his!

Throughout our lives there are people with whom we can immediately build a report and those who, no matter how hard we try, just can’t find any common ground. That’s life and we need to cut our losses and move on. This is what I did so I became a ‘Lady of Leisure’ a bit earlier than planned. I have never looked back.

Who would have thought that there would be two of the same coffee shops within a couple of miles of each other. And, who would have thought that I would be waiting in one and my ex-boss in the other! We had arranged to meet at 12:00 pm. At 12:05 pm I decided to send a text message to check that we were meeting in the correct place. Our text messages crossed and that was when the realisation dawned! For years I had driven past this particular coffee shop, unnoticed and much closer to the company. The obvious choice!

But I couldn’t just get into my car and join my ex-boss, who had a finite lunch break and I had all day! I had dropped my car off at the garage about a mile away and walked to the coffee shop. In high-heeled shoes and still aching feet, there was no way that I could get to the other coffee shop within a few minutes and without considerable pain and discomfort!

So, coffee ordered and ready to collect, we met at ‘my’ coffee shop! It felt like catching up with an old friend. The commonality, despite our short history, was our department and colleagues. There was so much positivity. My ex-boss had impressed me with his work ethic and honesty and this was still very prevalent. My ‘work family’ were in good hands and the last small shadow lingering over my former life had lifted.

I walked back to the garage happy and relaxed, hoping endorphins would soon kick in and numb my aching feet! They didn’t so the relief when climbing into my car was great!

Another week has flown by, busy and eventful. I’m off to do the grocery shopping and will slip in a bottle of Prosecco. It’s cloudy and cool with the forecast of rain. It’s Friday but I have more than the weekend to enjoy my garden. I have the rest of the summer …….👠

Yesterday I spoke about the flying visit my son made to Yorkshire. On Sunday night he drove to Cheshire so that he could see his other grandmother. He dreaded this visit and I put no pressure on him. He had not seen her for four years and that is a very long time in Alzheimer years!

My son was torn between remembering his feisty, intelligent, proud grandmother and the little old lady, so different, that she had become. But he wanted to understand what I do to support her and see her new home. A brave decision because he could just as easily have kept the memory of her healthy and well. His visit would have minimal impact on my mother but a huge impact on him.

However, the decision was made and we arrived at the care home in silence. I desperately wanted to tell him to change his mind and keep hold of his memories. I was also trying to find words that would prepare him for the effects this awful debilitating disease had inflicted on his grandmother. He did have some idea but, to protect my mother’s dignity, I spare my children a lot of the detail as it serves no useful purpose!

But, as with most mothers, the protective instinct is still very strong no matter the age of the child! My son, like my daughter, is significantly mentally and physically stronger than I give him credit for, as I was soon to discover.

My mother didn’t recognise her grandchild. She reached out, stroked his cheek and told him that he had a very nice face. I didn’t want to stand talking in the corridor so we went to her room. To try and make this a ‘home from home’ I had framed a number of my fathers prints (he was a well-known wild life artist in South Africa) and, together with family photographs, they adorned her walls. Her room is pretty, she looked physically fit and well and had just had her hair done, so her mental decline was not immediately evident. The care home manger and her assistant soon joined us and my son spoke to them both, yet kept reminding his grandmother of people and places they had met or visited in South Africa.

I was called out to move my car and when I returned the assistant manager was very excited. He told me that, albeit very briefly, my mother had looked across at my son, eyes alight with recognition and told him that she hadn’t seen him for a very long time.

We left the care home, my son happy that he had seen his grandmother and she hadn’t been as ‘bad’ as he had expected. He had met the manager and her assistant and had been very impressed with both of them. He liked the care home, thought it was significantly better than he had imagined and could now understand a little of what I have to deal with.

So, as with a lot of my fears, once more this one was ill-founded. My son coped admirably and my mother had a rare moment of sheer delight recognising her grandson.

My son flies home to his family in the States today. My friend and I will be back at the care home this morning giving the residents exercises to ‘Abba’ . Life goes on but enriched by my son’s visit and looking forward to seeing my daughter in a few week’s time.

None of these visits would be possible if I hadn’t ‘retired’. This brave new world is not without its challenges, but I am discovering a significant amount of benefits too! The choices are mine and I am embracing them more every day.👠

My immediate family is very small. My daughter and her husband live in North Yorkshire and lead very busy and fulfilling lives. I have a son, daughter-in-law and two wonderful grandchildren in America. We live in Cheshire, close to my mother. My brother and his family are in Leicestershire and my sister and her family live in Australia.

So this weekend was very special.

On Friday evening my husband and I drove to a pretty village outside Leeds to visit his mother, a 90 years young, stoic woman whose resilience under personal difficulties is a shining example to us all.

Saturday was spent doing odd jobs around my mother-in-law’s house and garden. The extreme dry weather creates its own problems so my husband was in his element pruning trees and shrubs and doing general garden maintenance while I helped with odd jobs inside.

But Sunday was the highlight of the weekend. My son needed to be in the UK on company business so had arranged a flying visit to Yorkshire. I booked a table at a restaurant for Sunday evening and arranged for my daughter to meet us there. Nothing unusual about that other than this brother and sister hadn’t seen each other for 6 years! No historic family fallout, just how life had dictated.

It was heartwarming seeing them together. The waitress did her extra-curricular duty and took photographs. The conversation at our table remained animated and hopefully not too loud. We were the last to leave, gratefully not chastised for keeping staff working late or ‘threatened’ with last orders! The siblings made their way outside, promising to meet up again, definitely before another 6 years!

Skype, WhatsApp, FaceTime, Facebook are all ways of keeping in touch but nothing can make up for face to face contact. I do fervently hope that my son and daughter won’t let so many years come between them before their next meeting and both families can maintain a close, meaningful relationship despite their busy, often frenetic lives.

But Sunday will remain with me for a long time and I am grateful that I have these two wonderful children and their families to enjoy and cherish. And, who knows what might happen in the future? Life is a funny thing! 👠

Yesterday my brother came to visit. He was diagnosed with pneumonia a couple of weeks ago so it was good to see him looking fit and well. We had lunch and then set off to visit my mother.

I had arranged for a carer to accompany us to our usual tearoom. I was surprised when the care manager told me that she would be joining us. Our usual carer had unwittingly suffered severe sunburn and couldn’t wear his uniform.

My brother hadn’t seen Mum for a few months so I wasn’t sure how she would react. I don’t know if she did recognise him because I was concentrating on trying to manoeuvre my husband’s suv 🚙 out of a parking space where the parking aids flashed and bleeped loudly every time I moved! I use this car once a week when I take my mother out because my car only has two seats, so parking this ‘tank’ increases my stress levels significantly!

We didn’t sing to Elvis. Mum sat in the back with my brother. I thought it would be a chance for him to speak to her. Her deterioration has been a lot slower for me because I see her regularly, but for both my brother and sister, her mental decline would have accelerated quite significantly.

What has become the norm, all parking spaces close to the tearoom were filled so I dropped my mother, brother and care manager at the tearoom door and parked at the end of the village. Fitbit approved as I hastily made my way back to the tearoom, arriving hot and bothered and looking forward to a cup of tea and a slice of delicious apple pie!

My brother had never met the care manager. She is very well qualified and so easy to speak to so she was able to allay a number of his concerns. Looking at Mum paging through a magazine, relaxed and happy, resulted in a very enjoyable afternoon.

Driving back to the care home the care manager told Mum that supper would be in half an hour. Mum commented that she was going to do what she wanted to and it wasn’t going to be good! This is Mum asserting her authority and telling the care manager that she wouldn’t be having supper!

My son-in-law is a Psychologist and explained that some dementia patients revert back to an earlier stage in their lives. This makes sense because one resident has a teddy bear that has to be fed and clothed before she lets a carer help her. This teddy has its own drawer and never leaves her side. There is another resident who walks around asking for taxi money to get home to feed her children. So sad. Therefore, I have decided that Mum has reverted back to her rebellious teenage years hence her comment about supper. There are many more amusing examples of her stubbornness and determination!

So another very busy week has flown by and the weekend beckons. How did I ever find the time to work? 👠

On Saturday evening we enjoyed another safari supper. Since 2006 three couples have met every few months to produce either a starter, main course or dessert, cheese and biscuits and all with the accompanying wine. Being good friends has ensured that there is never competitive pressure to try and out-perform so a good time is always had by all! We enjoy and heap praise on exceptional courses but can also commiserate when dishes let us down!

Last Saturday night we had a particularly pleasant evening. The weather was superb so we were able to sit outside on a beautiful, colourful patio filled with exotic flowers and shrubs and baskets overflowing with brightly coloured ‘busy lizzys’.

But it wasn’t only the al fresco dining without heaters or warm jackets, defying the usual English summer evenings, that made this safari supper so special. We have a friend who’s health has been a real concern over the last few years. He is currently awaiting open heart surgery, and this after months of rehabilitation after a bad fall. Yet he is so positive, always with a ready smile and, despite obvious discomfort, spent the evening the ‘life and soul’ of the party. His zest for life and determination to get well after every debilitating illness is very humbling.

Walking home on Saturday, still feeling warm and pleasantly replete, I decided to make a concerted effort to take a leaf out of his book. When niggling irritations surface, I’ll replace them with something positive, like not having to get up early for work on Monday!

Alas, not even a minute later, my husband asked if I had the house key. I hadn’t so there ensued half an hour of retracing our steps (Fitbit was in ‘his’ element) and finally and embarrassingly, finding the key buried under a tea towel on the tray I had carried home. Not saying a word, I slunk upstairs, had a bath and went to bed.

Tomorrow is another day 👠

Yesterday brought another new experience. A friend asked me to help serve drinks to local aged, retired and anyone else living on our Park who wanted some company.

Let me explain. I live on a unique housing development, built on the estate of a very rich family dating back to 1784. They owned one of the largest houses in Cheshire. During the Second World War the house and grounds became the property of the British army. It was initially used for transit British troops and then became the base for thousands of Americans prior to the D-Day landings. After the war the huts built in the grounds were used as homes for locals and relatives of serving Polish soldiers.

In the 1970’s the old house and huts were demolished and a parkland residential estate developed. Houses were built around a large social club with swimming pool, squash and tennis courts, function rooms holding all types of exercise classes and two bars. We are governed by strict by-laws when using the club house facilities and sign up to a number of covenants when purchasing a house. This also comes at an annual cost and is monitored by trustees, voted in by the residents. This sounds quite austere but, surprisingly, it does work!

It’s this social club that offers many daily activities, bridge, indoor bowls, and monthly coffee mornings. A boon for those living on their own and another demographic of people to meet and enjoy, 👠

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It started off as a good idea and a ‘bit’ of fun. Having a sedentary job for so many years I was curious to see how long it would take to reach the arbitrary 10,000 steps a day. As I have mentioned in a previous post, housework could add to this daily step count so would serve a useful purpose, but the jury is still out on this!

That was the theory. Alas, in practice, that is not the case.

Fitbit is not human and ‘his’ programme does not allow for having a meal, reading a book, writing my blog, or just sitting! My arm will suddenly vibrate and, what is fast becoming as irritating as nuisance phone calls, a message will flash up on the screen to ‘feed me’.

So this is one annoyance! There is another. I usually achieve the ‘required’ 10,000 steps but if Fitbit shows 9,000 before I have my evening bath, I have been known to run up and down the stairs until I feel the vibrations and get huge praise heaped on me for achieving my daily goal. Self-satisfied, I have my bath and go to bed!

But unfortunately, it gets even worse. If I don’t quite make 15,000 or the amazing and seriously smug zone 20,000 steps, this is when I need to make a stand and fight back!Easier said than done because the applause and vibrations I receive for 20,000 steps is really worth it! So last night saw me running up and down the stairs to reach this very significant goal!

But there Fitbit came into ‘his’ own! I didn’t get any applause when I reached the magical number. Completely exhausted I gave up and sat down. I checked the step total and was horrified to see that I had completed 20,450 steps with no applause and no vibrations. All I got was a warning to recharge the battery!

So hopefully I have learnt my lesson. The total steps I achieve each day will end when I run my bath water. I shall not be dictated to by a mindless robot! I don’t need praise heaped on me for exercising! I won’t be irritated when ‘he’ shouts for food! I’ll treat ‘him’ with the contempt he deserves! 👠