Author: Jenny’s Brave New World!

I need to get out and have a walk every day. As the weather deteriorates this is going to become more challenging! Even just half an hour of fresh air and exercise is all I ask! I thought it was only the weather that would stop me but the other day something else happened which initially caused me some concern.

A couple of days a week I make myself soup for lunch in the fancy soup maker my colleagues gave me when I became a ‘lady of leisure’. All I have to do is chop up the vegetables, add water and a stock cube, turn it on and, half an hour later, I have a delicious meal. There is about a three kilometre walk starting in the lane at the bottom of my garden and I can do this in about half an hour. It’s up a steep hill so I do a power walk, get my pulse racing and breathe in delicious fresh air.

The other morning I grabbed the moment when there was a blue patch in the sky and the rain had given way to a brief sunny spell. The rain had left everything looking so fresh and I inhaled deeply, enjoying the clear, clean air . I felt so fortunate to be outside on a weekday morning when friends and ex colleagues were sitting at their desks in stuffy offices breathing in stale air.

it was then that I saw an old car parked very close to a farm gate at the end of the wood. It was quite dark but I saw five men wearing hoodies shuffling around, very intimidating. I wasn’t sure whether I should turn back or soldier on. But I decided that I wasn’t going to let these people stop me so, looking straight ahead, I marched past them. One shouted a greeting, I replied but didn’t turn around.

With my heart pounding I continued up the hill, walking even faster than usual so had begun to pant quite heavily! A young man with a baby in a pram and two elderly people walked past me. Another car with two women in dark clothing turned the corner and drove down the hill. The plot thickened! A short while later I heard two gun shots!

My vivid imagination went into overdrive. I decided that they were some kind of cult and had murdered someone and thrown their body into the wood. I began to panic, wondering how I could get home without walking past the cars. It would have meant a big detour and I had to be at a yoga class within the next couple of hours.

So I marched on up the hill, turned left down another little lane which led back into the one that would take me past the cars and back home. I saw another couple who cheerfully greeted me and had survived walking past the ‘hoodies’ so I took a deep breath and turned right!

The cars had gone! I peered over the gate and couldn’t see any body or any sign that one had been dragged along the bushes. There was just a tyre track at the side of the road. They had left no other evidence!

I got home in record time! The soup tasted delicious. I subsequently heard that police had been made aware of drug dealing at a couple of places in the neighbourhood. They were extending their patrols. The gun shots are common because farmers shoot rabbits and pigeons so hearing the two shots had been a ‘red herring’.

I am not letting this episode blight my walks! I am hopeful that this was a ‘one off’ and won’t happen again. I usually see other people out enjoying the fresh air and getting exercise. I’ll be one of those people, weather permitting only! 👠

Yesterday was a good day. I woke up early, had breakfast and was ready to walk to the clubhouse for an exercise class at 10:00 am. No, I hadn’t had a lazy morning! I had dusted and vacuumed upstairs. I had emptied the bins, sent a few text messages and replied to a few emails. The house was tidy for my husband’s return and I had survived my first week ‘home alone’!

After the exercise class I walked home and got ready to meet a friend for coffee, a thirty five minute drive away. There was rain forecast and I drove through a small shower which had cleared by the time I arrived at the coffee shop. Because my friend still works we had a limited time to catch up on all the latest office gossip before she had to rush off to a meeting.

That left me two hours to drive to the outlet village, have lunch (as all LOL’s do!) and get to the care home to spend time with my mother before they have their late afternoon supper. I decided to go to Marks and Spencer because they have a good gluten free selection. However, all the retired people living in and around Cheshire had decided to go to M&S for lunch as well! The place was heaving! I had chosen this week because all the schools had finished their mid term holidays so expected the shops to be relatively empty. But retired people still have to shop and it is obvious that this is how most of them spend a Thursday afternoon!

I couldn’t waste an hour, at least, of my life waiting for a seat in the main dining area so popped downstairs to the smaller cafe. There was still a queue but, because I was on my own and happy to sit at the bar, they pushed me through. I chose a turkey, stuffing and coleslaw sandwich (there were only three sandwiches left, all the same) so my choice was restricted! I propped myself up at the bar, ate my lunch and watched as the queue began to stretch into the main shopping area as lunchtime merged into afternoon tea.

Eating lunch on my own was not ideal and going at 1:30 pm was not ideal either! But it did leave me time to browse around some of the shops. When I worked I was always in a hurry and browsing was not something that I ever did. It was always a manic rush trying to find an outfit for a specific occasion or, if I did see an item of clothing I really liked, I would buy it in every colour! I hate shopping! The change rooms always have the worst mirrors and lighting, bizarrely, because you would think that clothes shops would ensure mirrors were flattering and lighting subdued! Not rocket science, just good marketing!

My mother was in good spirits. She was having tea and biscuits when I arrived and decided that it would be better to stay near the trolley than go to her room. We found a sofa in one of the sitting areas and I painted Mum’s nails and chatted to the care manager and her assistant, both doing their rounds.

I got home the same time as my husband. He only works a four day week to prepare for his ‘retirement’ so left him with instructions for our evening meal. I got changed and headed off to meet a friend and walk up to the clubhouse to do the circuit class. Two exercise classes in one day! Both completely different yet both equally enjoyable.

I’ll sleep well tonight. Physically exhausted and not worrying about ghosts! Monday is another day!👠

The Holiday is over and life has slotted back into some semblance of ‘normality’. I have my set exercise classes, visit my mother, meet friends for coffee or lunch, go for walks, weather permitting and pay occasional visits to the hairdresser and beauty parlour. I also have to ‘fit in’ housework (ugh!) and gardening 🥀 While my husband is still fully employed I cook the evening meals. I keep busy.

But my life hasn’t fully ‘slotted back to normal’. My husband is working away all week and returning over weekends. This would not be worth a mention for most women, but for me, who has never lived alone, it is a big deal!

I’m not scared of burglars. I’m scared of ghosts! I have been lucky enough to get to this age without having seen one (touching wood!) but have carried this fear around with me for as long as I can remember! I’m blaming my grandmother and great grandmother! They aren’t here to defend themselves!

When I was very young my mother used to take us to visit my great grandmother and great aunt. They lived in a small, very dark house (the curtains were always drawn!) in a tiny village called Highgate, near East London. My great aunt would make my sister, brother and I sit on the kitchen floor and give us diluted orange juice and a biscuit. My brother was her favourite so his drink had more orange than water and he had an extra biscuit!

Sitting on that cold floor I could hear my great grandmother telling my mother all about her ‘visitations’. My mother used to nod and comment when applicable and then, driving home, tell us that there were no such things as ghosts! But I was never convinced!

For a few years, until I was about six or seven, we lived next door to my grandmother who had her mother’s gene. Granny also saw ghosts and ‘things’ and delighted in telling us all about them. Granny would sometimes babysit and we made sure we were at our best behaviour to avoid hearing about dire punishments which would be meted out by someone or, heaven forbid, something!

So that’s my excuse for being such a wimp and I’m sticking to it! I do, however, have ‘survival tactics’. I don’t like the house too dark or too quiet. I leave the downstairs hall light on, keep both the hall, landing and bedroom curtains open to allow for light from the street lamps and leave the radio on ‘Classic FM’! I stay up as late as I can to get really tired before I go to bed.

Unfortunately this morning, at 4:15 am, the announcer decided it was time to play Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. I woke up with a start and lay awake until 6:00 am when the sun began to rise above the hill and light up the wood at the bottom of our garden. The shrill of the alarm at 7:00 am was not ideal but I had an early dentist appointment so reluctantly got up, exhausted!

So I have a new challenge. For the foreseeable future I am going to be on my own during the week. I have no choice so need to get over this phobia and grow up! I’ll keep you posted ….. 👠

It was my granddaughter’s birthday while we were in our chalet in the Drakensberg. My husband and I wanted to contact her but this was going to be easier said than done! Our son and his family live in the US and there was a six hour time difference. It was also a normal school day so that set the time back another seven hours! It meant that we had to be ready for a 9:00 pm call in the main lobby of the hotel to ensure WiFi access. Fortunately luck was on our side and we were able to see and speak to her! Modern technology is marvellous. WhatsApp and FaceTime are a real boon for families living miles apart

On our penultimate day in our little piece of paradise, we all awoke bright and early. My cousin’s husband was playing golf and my cousin, husband and I were off on another hike through the beautiful blue mountain range shimmering in the distance. There was not a cloud in the sky and it was already beginning to feel very warm. We made our way to the next hotel, registered for our chosen trail, paid our fees and set off.

A herd of horses cantered past followed closely by a rider checking for strays. They were in no hurry and we watched as they wound their way through the trees and up the side of the mountain. We were warned that this was a ‘moderate’ walk because there were some awkward paths leading down into the forest. Some of these gravel stretches can be quite treacherous so I was thankful that I had come prepared with my walking stick! My husband found a branch just the right height for my cousin, proudly produced his pocket knife ( a present from our son and his pride and joy!) smoothed the edges and carved a handle. We were soon on our way, ready for any eventuality!

The hike was a challenge but very enjoyable! We got back to the hotel in record time and the woman who had served us when we arrived was amazed that we were back so soon. We had made a detour around the lake so would have returned even earlier!

My cousin had collected a few brochures from reception on the previous evening. One of them advertised afternoon teas and gluten free cakes! We decided that we would pay the tea room a visit as we were all feeling quite peckish after our hike and game of golf! Unfortunately they had sold out of all the gluten free cakes so I had to watch, sipping a lukewarm soft drink, as three people tucked into their gluten filled cakes and cream! Life can be so unfair😪

We went to a small farm shop on our way home and bought four filleted trout for our evening barbecue. A most enjoyable meal was had by all, but especially by me as I was ravenous by the time the trout were cooked! It was our last night in the chalet and we had to make an early start to get to our final destination before heading home.

Once more my cousin’s husband expertly drove us to our hotel just outside Kokstad. The roads were as challenging as usual but driving through the town on a Saturday afternoon brought extra hazards. Navigating our way down the main road trying to avoid pedestrians, stray dogs and cars parked haphazardly was no mean feat!

Our last meal was superb! We sat outside on the verandah and I could imagine the luxurious lifestyle of the colonials in the twenties and thirties, waited on by servants and revelling in the warmth and sunshine, a far cry from the grey skies and cold winters back home!

So, after a fantastic two weeks, meeting family and old school friends, staying in wonderful accommodation and experiencing some of the most beautiful areas of South Africa, we leave a hot East London, sweltering in 30C! Arriving in Manchester to 0C was not ideal but our taxi was on time and we were soon back home, heating on and washing loaded into the machine. All good things must come to an end but I have so many wonderful memories!

It is with sincere thanks to my cousin and her husband who welcomed us into their home and spent two fun-packed weeks with us! A special thank you to my cousin for arranging the holiday and family reunions. I hope that one day I can return the favour but it will be a very hard act to follow! 👠

We loaded up the car and set off on stage two of this unforgettable journey. My cousin’s husband ensured we had sufficient petrol and the rest of us stocked up on water and snacks.

We travelled through Zululand, now part of the new South Africa. There were minimal fences so animals regularly wandered into the road where markings were ignored! Cars shot past on blind rises causing potentially fatal, but luckily for us, near miss collisions. Unbelievable if I hadn’t seen this reckless driving with my own eyes!

We arrived at our destination late in the afternoon and pulled up outside a beautiful chalet. We carried our luggage into our rooms and met outside for a sundowner. It was then that I looked across at one of the most spectacular views I had seen in years! The majestic Drakensberg mountain range stretched before us, slightly hazy which added to its mystique. The sky had begun to turn crimson and a stillness settled over us as we sat in awe, lost in our private thoughts.

We had our own barbecue and ended the day with a delicious meal and plans for my cousin, husband and I to embark on a hike the next morning. Unfortunately we woke up later than planned so, like ‘mad dogs and Englishmen’ went walking in the mid day sun! Only three kilometres were in some kind of shade, the last five were very hot and the most strenuous. But we did it! Our ‘Fitbits’ were happy and we got back to our chalet feeling very smug! We also hadn’t come across any snakes! A huge bonus and a very real fear!

The next morning I looked out of our window to see a cloudless blue sky and the mountains clear and inviting. But today we weren’t going on a hike. My cousin and I went to the spa for a treatment and then, after lunch, we all drove to see the amazing, world class, Drakensberg Boy’s Choir! What an uplifting experience. This holiday just kept on producing more and more delightful surprises!

None of us knew what to expect. We presumed the programme would be primarily classical so a choreographed rendition of ‘Portugal Man’s’ ‘Feel it Still’ was not something we had envisaged! A little boy in the front row was mesmerising. His rhythm was superb and he was obviously thoroughly enjoying himself, as were the rest of the boys. The ‘Gumboot dance’ in the second half was equally enjoyable! We are eternally grateful to my cousin for arranging the booking. In fact, she had arranged this whole wonderful holiday which proved to be faultless!

That evening we sat outside, once more in awe of this magnificent mountain range that stretched as far as the eye could see. The setting sun once more spread its crimson hue across the darkening sky. Tomorrow we would go on another trip of discovery but this time we would make an early start because the heatwave was showing no signs of abating. The coals on the barbecue glowed brightly, emitting a delicious aroma of sizzling meat and wood fumes. I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes and felt at peace with the world! 👠

It was a long and challenging drive to Underberg in Natal today. My cousin’s husband is very experienced in navigating his way through the Transkei and Kwa Zulu and I was more than happy sitting in the back seat chatting to my cousin.

We arrived in Underberg early in the evening and went to the local supermarket to stock up on water, meat, salads and other essentials (like beer for the men). We decided to have a braai (barbecue) tonight as we didn’t feel like getting dressed up!

It was a beautiful evening albeit quite chilly. We unpacked and my cousin and I had a gin and tonic and relaxed, ready to help with the food preparation when required. The woman working on reception seemed to be a ‘Jill of all trades’. She arranged a trough with a grate so that we could build our fire. We had found gluten free boerewors (a delicious South African sausage) so I was really looking forward to the meal.

But there was a delay in cooking the meat! We first had to watch a rugby match between Western Province and Northern Transvaal so had to get our priorities right! Food came second but was well worth the wait! It was delicious!

The following morning we woke early to go on a trip up the Sani Pass into Lesotho. There were ten of us in the mini bus when we made our way to the South African border patrol to present our passports. A few miles along the dirt road we arrived at the Lesotho border post and repeated the exercise.

Then the adventure began in earnest! Up and up we went along winding gravel roads. We stopped occasionally for photograph opportunities, sometimes having to reverse to get around very tight bends with sheer drops on either side. I sat in the middle so could stare ahead which helped relieve travel sickness and prevent me from peering down into the abyss!

We reached the top and, after a talk by the local pastor, we went for lunch at the highest pub in Africa. Many photographs and a nice meal later, we made the even more perilous journey back down the same gravel road. It was even more challenging than the drive to the top but we eventually reached the South African border in one piece!

What an amazing adventure and this was only the beginning! My husband and I went for a walk before our evening meal. The weather had been very kind to us. It was clear and bright and not too hot. We saw birds never seen back home and watched monkeys darting through the trees, some with babies on their backs. A perfect end to a perfect day.👠

On Tuesday morning my cousin arranged a family get together. I visited South Africa eight years ago and that was the last time I have seen any family member other than an aunt, slightly younger than my mother, who has a daughter living in England. Our two families met up regularly as children and her eldest, a few months younger than me, has remained a good friend.

Time doesn’t stand still. Life also doesn’t always go according to plan. My uncle, who played cricket for his country and provincial rugby, has been in a wheel chair for a number of years. He is only seventy three so he was in his late fifties when his health began to fail. His wife is only two years older than me and his carer.

We take for granted our holidays abroad, trips to the theatre, and meals out with family and friends. My uncle can do none of these. Someone looks after him during the day while his wife holds down two jobs. But she never complains! When I asked my uncle how he spends his days he replied that he ‘sleeps a lot’. So sad.

On Wednesday we drove up the East Coast to spend a night with another cousin and his wife. He is recovering from major surgery but doing really well. He has his whole life ahead to enjoy his children and grandchildren. His house overlooks the sea. He has a telescope set up to watch dolphins and whales as they swim by, which happens regularly and must surely have aided his remarkable recovery!

Our walks along the beach were magical. Huge waves crashed over majestic rocks sheltering pools filled with exciting marine life just waiting to be explored. Impractical for surfers and fisherman but perfect for us strolling along the beach with all the time in the world!

On Friday I met an old school friend for lunch. I have known her since we were ten years old. Even though we lead very different lives, we had so much to talk about and the time sped by. A lot of happy memories came flooding back once we had caught up with current news. We laughed a lot and by the time my husband came to fetch us we hadn’t finished reminiscing! He was happy to sit with a cup of coffee and pass occasional comments when the need arose. He discovered things about his wife’s childhood that had long been forgotten!

So that was the first week of what is going to be a most unforgettable holiday and a trip down memory lane. We head for Natal and the Drakensberg mountains tomorrow. The excitement is mounting as we plan meals and ensure there is enough beer and wine for the trip! We are going to stay in a self-catering chalet which suits us far better than a hotel room. My cousin’s husband has kindly offered to do the driving and going through the Transkei is a huge challenge! We are very grateful to him!

We have another week stretching ahead, filled with more exciting adventures and plenty of walks to keep my Fitbit happy! South Africa is such a beautiful country and this leg of our journey will not disappoint!👠

After twenty four hours ‘on the road’ we have arrived in East London, South Africa. It was very windy but not cold. We left Manchester under similar weather conditions but not typical for this time of year.

We received a warm welcome from my cousin and her husband, followed by a superb meal. My cousin’s son, daughter-in-law and two beautiful little grandchildren joined us and it was so good catching up on all the family news.

My husband and I had an early night so were refreshed and ready for our visit to a local shopping centre. I have seen some disturbing Facebook postings about the violence and general decline of this once much loved city where I was born and spent the first fifteen years of my life. So, despite all the negative press, I was surprised to see the number of new motorways and bypasses built to link suburbs and improve travel links between schools, businesses and shops.

We arrived, albeit with some trepidation on my part, at the shopping centre. I expected to see the place in varying degrees of disrepair. I was also concerned about the safety aspect and clung onto my bag for dear life as we walked towards the entrance.

I was not expecting a state of the art shopping mall fit for the twenty first century! Designer shops, windows filled with the very latest fashions, dotted the arcade. I became very nostalgic seeing the names of departments stores still trading and Checkers’ and ‘Pick and Pay’ well stocked with groceries and obviously doing very well!

It made me wonder why there is so much negativity. I fully understand that there is an escalated violence in certain areas. Houses do have high walls, burglar bars and security companies patrolling the streets. But these are safety precautions, justified, but not debilitating.

We walked to the beach, which was almost empty. I didn’t bring jewellery and probably wouldn’t have gone on my own during the day outside of school holidays. By 4:30 pm the beach fills with surfers and dog walkers so safety in numbers always brings extra security. But I was still able to go for a walk on the beach! I remembered the pathway leading to the mouth of the river where my father used to fish. I saw the sand dunes we clamboured up and slid down on toboggans well lubricated in candle wax.

There is still a good quality of life if you stay aware. My cousin regularly walks her dog around her neighbourhood. She goes to the beach in the early evening when she knows she won’t be on her own. Shopping is a pleasure. There are a number of good restaurants if you want to meet friends or treat yourself to breakfast, lunch or an evening meal. Coffee shops are in abundance and there is a delicious array of mouthwatering cakes to chose from.

So it is with pleasure that I write this blog. My old home town still flourishes. Life definitely goes on. There is still a good quality of life. I live in hope that one day this beautiful country will be the jewel in the African crown!👠

My cousin is an optimist and makes the most of every day. Living in East London isn’t perfect but could be a lot worse. Dwelling on the problems won’t fix them but getting out and doing what you want to will go a long way to making you feel a whole lot better! 👠

Yesterday I awoke to another grey day. Until yesterday my journey into this ‘brave new world’ was going well but I had a momentary lapse! I panicked, nothing unusual for me, but totally unexpected!

I haven’t been sleeping well. I need eight hours and when I only get four, small niggles take on lives of their own. They morph into unattainable challenges! This is a relatively normal phenomenon and not unique to me, but it’s up to me to resolve!

So when I opened the curtains yesterday morning to another grey, dank day, I had only buried my new optimism in a shallow grave. It saw a means of escape and went for it!

I suddenly felt the same as I did, almost twenty eight years ago, when we had decided to leave South Africa. This was a very stressful period! As hard as I focussed on the many reasons why we were leaving a beautiful country and all our friends and family to find a better life for our children, the more I would experience sudden, overwhelming panic attacks! I’d see an image of my face staring out of the window of a small terraced house as ‘mizzling’ rain fell on dark grey buildings from a mottled grey sky. Grey outside and grey inside!

As the days turned into weeks, we sold the house, our possessions went into storage and our two dogs into kennels. My husband left for the UK to find a job while the children finished their last few weeks at school and we stayed with my parents. Gradually I found a way to deal with this potentially debilitating image.

I was determined that I would not look back! I can’t pretend that this was easy but practice eventually made perfect! By the time the children and I boarded that plane on the 31st December 1990, those panic attacks had lost their crippling hold. I had a new vision! As a family we were walking through the crispy white snow, blue skies overhead and we were all happy and relaxed! I used to keep hold of this image for as long as possible. And I never did look back!

The move was hard and not without problems! Thankfully I never did live in a small terraced house and I never sat staring out of the window at grey ‘mizzling’ rain falling on dark grey buildings from a mottled grey sky! My husband found a good job, we had a lovely home, the children went to excellent local schools and I started working for the company I finally left after twenty seven years!

Just as I needed to work on a new mental image to get me through the move from midsummer in Johannesburg to the middle of an icy English winter, I need to build an image for my first winter as a ‘Lady of Leisure’! There will be a lot of grey days! I won’t be going to work where I can ignore the weather. I probably won’t be able to go for daily walks but will definitely grab the moment when the clouds break and I can get out to feed my Fitbit and continue my fight against dementia!

I’m gradually forming a picture of me, sitting in front of a roaring fire, cosy and warm, staring outside at the softly falling snow. I won’t wake up most winter mornings and panic that I can’t get out of our drive and up our hill. I won’t peer up at the heavy black clouds filling the skies while at work, checking for signs of a snow storm to prevent me from getting home. My neighbour won’t be on constant ‘snow watch’!

I’m feeling better already! Lesson number one will be ‘don’t look back’. I have already passed that one! The second lesson is the image I need to build and hold and produce if and when the need arises. So I’ll learn to accept grey. I’ll throw in colours! Beautiful autumn shades of red, orange and gold and then the pristine white of a beautiful winter’s day! I’ll keep you posted …… 👠

Yesterday my friend and I went to the care home, my friend to give the exercise class and me to supply the music. Last week had been the best half an hour to date. Everyone in the room had joined in and we both left feeling really happy that we had managed to get so many residents involved.

However, yesterday was very different. One of the residents, in her nineties and only now showing signs of dementia, was in a bad mood and spoilt the class for everyone. Last week she sat next to the parrot’s cage and shouted rude comments as my friend started the warm up session. At first we found it quite amusing but were grateful when she retreated back into her chair and went to sleep. The parrot had, strangely, ignored this tirade, which was a bonus. We’ve had to put up with a shrieking parrot on a number of occasions!

Unfortunately yesterday this disgruntled woman had made up her mind that she was not going away and her comments came thick and fast. A number of the residents shouted at her to ‘stop being rude’ and to ‘leave us alone’. This only added fuel to the fire! Bizarrely the parrot slept through the noise or else I’d have had to turn the volume up even louder!

To make matters worse the activities manager was not in the room. She had taken a resident to the doctor so we were alone. My friend valiantly soldiered on until the lady sitting next to the disgruntled resident had enough. She had finished her tea and wanted to join the class. I was standing at one end of the room so could just make out a woman’s back and flailing arms.

I rushed outside and luckily found a carer in the hallway who managed to separate the two before any physical harm had been done. My friend, being the true professional, continued with her routine as if nothing had happened! The parrot had woken up, shrieked in disgust and immediately dropped forward to continue his nap.

I reported the incident to the care manager. She explained that there was not a lot she could do because, as I am very aware, this disgruntled resident has a mind of her own! She makes a beeline for the chair every morning and, other than physically removing her, won’t budge. Her behaviour disrupts the class and spoils it for all the other residents but I remain hopeful that something can be done to resolve this problem.

Next week will be the last class for a couple of weeks as both my friend and I are away. We understand dementia and how this awful disease can change personalities. We know that some weeks will be better than others! The management, staff and some of the relatives have thanked us for holding these classes. Apparently it leaves residents calmer and happier, so we soldier on …..👠