Author: Jenny’s Brave New World!

There is a problem with my tablet! There was an upgrade a couple of weeks ago and I have lost my WordPress app! One would have thought that I could get this link back without too much of a problem! I can’t! All I get when reporting the issue is a request to change my password. I have changed my password twelve times! I have requested to stay logged in. I have saved the link to my favourites. I still cannot click into the app and write a blog!

So I have all but given up! I spent Friday evening battling my tablet! I tried logging in through my Apple ID. I was advised that this had failed so to try again later! Agh! I have turned the tablet off to reset. No joy! This is where I miss my job. The only time I ever miss my job! There is no IT department to report the problem and wait for the knock on my office door. A young child would sit at my desk, hit a few buttons and, hey presto, all would be back to normal!

I have no practical gene. When I needed help with excel spreadsheets I knew who to turn to. When they weren’t able to help I used to play around, get the result I needed but never able to replicate! I used to illogically get around problems, never understanding or able to backtrack and find a logical route to any problem solving. I just used to ‘get there’ in the end!

The same has happened now. I have found a circuitous route to login to my WordPress account and write this blog. Perhaps a human will eventually get back to me and reset the link. I shall continue to live in hope ……👠

 

I have to pack again! I don’t want to sound ungrateful or churlish but it does fill me with dread! This time we are away for almost six weeks! I can barely manage the usual two week holiday so six weeks is just way outside my comfort zone!

But I have started, one whole week early, by sorting through my earrings drawer and separating them by colours. This will make packing easier so that is why I claim to have started! I can’t, however, understand how easily I lose one earring so have a number of odd ones which I have finally thrown away!

I do, however, think we have a resident jewellery ghost. Either that or I am misplacing things and should begin to worry! I’ll probably worry anyway because that is what I do, but I am hoping that it’s not me! I am brave now because my husband doesn’t go away anymore. I wouldn’t be quite so blasé if I was home alone!

I’ll give an example. I have a ‘thing’ about watches. I have well over a dozen, all in different colours to match most of my outfits! But they didn’t cost the earth. I bought them from two shops in the States, one in Naples in Florida with a friend and the other in a pretty little town called Kennebunkport in Maine. They are fashion watches so cost a few dollars each but don’t look cheap. I also bought a significant amount of batteries ( they all use the same size) so won’t run out for years!

I think the resident ghost has a ‘thing’ about my watches and ‘borrows’ them! When we visited my family in Boston in July my husband and I dropped our hired car off at the garage and walked back to my son’s house. It was very hot and humid so I removed the chunky gold watch I was wearing to help tidy up the kitchen. I was sure that I had taken the watch back to our bedroom but when I got home to the UK it was gone! I searched everywhere then finally gave up, convinced I had left it in Boston.

I keep my watches in a makeup bag. When we returned from Boston I put the watches back into their bag. This is when I realised that the gold watch was missing. I packed, then repacked the bag and it definitely wasn’t there! Last Saturday we were going out with friends. I was wearing gold jewellery and voiced my concern that my gorgeous gold watch was now missing so had to chose another colour. I emptied the bag and chose a black one. Packing the watches back I noticed a small plastic bag in the corner. I pulled it out and was gob-smacked when I realised it was the lost gold watch! Strange but true!

I can quote similar instances about earrings and necklaces. Not a lot of people believe me when I tell them and my husband thinks I’m weird anyway so get no sympathy from him! My mother-in-law used to lose silver objects in her old house so she would be my most receptive ally. She has also told me that she asks St. Christopher to help her find missing items so maybe that’s what I should do from now on!

I digress! Back to packing! I have an added problem! We go to Hong Kong for four days. It will be warm. We then fly to New Zealand. Their weather is very changeable at this time of year but certainly not warm. I could have had two bags with a total weight if 40kgs. I can’t because we are catching trains and flying interstate in New Zealand then on to Australia. I can only pack 23kgs so I’m stymied!

But, I have started packing. I now have a bathing costume, joggers and trainers and my knee straps on the bed in the spare room. I have a few pairs of earrings and some necklaces in a bag. There are multi vitamins and my ‘beauty’ tablets, a winter jacket and a pair of pyjamas. That’s it so far.

I’m going to sleep on it and continue in the morning! 👠

Last weekend two cousins visited, both from South Africa. One still lives there but the other lives in London and is the husband of my Aunt’s daughter, therefore making him a cousin by marriage. They were going to the Manchester United v Leicester football match and had seats in a box! The excitement was great!

Let me explain. The cousin still living in South Africa has been a Manchester United supporter for many years. It has always surprised me how men can avidly support teams from nowhere near where they live and even in other countries! But I can’t understand their devotion to football anyway! This is a Mars trait. I’m from Venus! Although there are some women who are staunch football supporters as well so probably shouldn’t make this ‘sweeping’ statement!

The cousins arrived on Friday night. Their sheer joy was plain to see! They couldn’t have been more enthused if they had won the football pools! My husband is NOT a Manchester United fan! Being a sports fanatic and, like all sports-minded males, an expert on all things football, he was soon adding to the euphoria as the beers flowed!

I served the meal, tidied up (this time without complaining that I had cooked so husband had to tidy up!) and made myself scarce. I periodically popped in to check if they needed anything (damn I’m good!) then retired to a hot bath and bed. I agreed the time they wanted breakfast in the morning so set the alarm and snuggled down to read my book before drifting off to sleep.

If I had thought that the excitement of the previous evening was huge, Saturday dawned, clear and bright with the atmosphere at breakfast tangibly electric! I do enjoy seeing people happy and soon felt as if I was part of this magical experience! We laughed and joked as we ploughed through our full ‘English breakfast’ then cheered them on their way! Walking back into the house felt as if we were stepping into a morgue! Suddenly the bubble had burst. All I could see was a mountain of washing up, even after the dishwasher had been loaded and turned on!

The rest of the day followed at a more subdued pace. The visit to my Mother in her care home was even more depressing than usual! I had to wake her and she was not in the best of moods! I tried to cajole her by reading from a picture book but that seemed to have the opposite effect! I left early rather can cause any further distress.

But the sun had come out and our ‘teak house’ 🏠 at the bottom of the garden was warm and inviting. My husband and I treated ourselves to a gin and tonic and checked the football results. Manchester United had won on a penalty, which my husband insisted had to be ‘dodgy’ and we awaited the arrival of the two boys.

My husband was outside preparing the barbecue when I heard raucous laughter and went to the door. They both came in bearing gifts, flowers and wine and then told me about their adventurous journey home. I have not laughed so loud and so long for a very long time!

They had parked their car at the Navigation Road tram station. Getting to the grounds had been a doddle. Getting back, however, had been a challenge! When they arrived at the tram station it was heaving! My cousin rushed to get into the carriage just as the doos were closing. Cousin-in-law didn’t make it so watched helplessly as his relative, with a look of sheer panic on his face, vanished into the sunset!

Apparently a number of frantic text messages followed as my cousin had forgotten where the car had been parked. Unfortunately so had cousin-in-law although he said he would have recognised the station when he saw it! Finally, finding a map of the metro system at the far end of the coach, my cousin recognised the name ‘Navigation Road’.

Feeling calmer he sat down and relaxed. When Navigation Road was broadcast on the tannoy system he was waiting at the door, in time to alight as the tram stopped. But the door didn’t open. He banged on it, jumped up and down, stamped his feet then looked around frantically at the passengers who were staring back at him, bemused! ‘I needed to get off here’, he shouted, waving his arms wildly as the tram moved off!

‘You should have pushed the button,’ a man informed him! I can only imagine that the carriage must have been filled with Leicester fans because people up North are reknowned for being very friendly! My cousin was proudly wearing his Manchester United scarf so was obviously not one of them!

So the journey took him to the end of the line, then back to Navigation Road! He didn’t even have to push the button! The doors opened! He walked to where he knew the car had been parked. It wasn’t there! Cousin-in-law had decided to move it, maybe to confuse him even more! There must have been a logical reason but I can’t remember what it was!

I can’t give justice to this story as facial expressions and actions speak significantly louder than words! There are no trams in South Africa so not a typical mode of transport. Apparently there was a sign in the coach reminding passengers to push the button but, when panic sets in, signs are easily missed!

But, memories were made and Manchester United won. My cousin has visited the hallowed football grounds at Old Trafford! My husband, who seriously detests Manchester United and their supporters (they behave like this on Mars!) remains on good terms with my family! He shared his beers and his home so bears no visible grudge!

Laughter is definitely a good medicine! Happiness and enthusiasm is so easily shared! A good time was had by all! Thank you, cousin and cousin-in-law. You are most welcome back. Anytime! 👠

I lay awake last night not able to turn off! I had built up 18.5k steps so was physically really tired. Unfortunately the steps must have stimulated my brain (some scientists do call the brain a muscle!) and it had gone into overdrive!

When going to bed I had followed my usual routine of completing the easy crossword puzzle in the Telegraph, then reading my book. My husband was pondering over the cryptic crossword so muttered every now and then but there was a relaxed atmosphere in the room. I had long turned off the television sick and tired of the Brexit debate. I just wanted it over and done with so that the country could get back to normal! The news remains full of it and our MP’s are an embarrassment and need to sort themselves out once and for all!

My husband turned his light off at 11:30 pm, said goodnight and immediately rolled over and fell asleep! I carried on reading a couple more chapters before switching off my light, still wide awake. I thought I could relax my aching body and eventually drift off to sleep.

I have a family issue at the moment so worked through a few scenarios, gave up and revisited the walk with my friend earlier. We had sunshine all day with only a slight breeze. The temperature was perfect for some relatively gently exercise and the chosen route proved idyllic. The wild roses and produced their end of season hips. The brambles lining the little country lanes were heaving with red and black berries, soon to be collected for jams and crumbles. Ferns were still green as were the leaves on the majestic oaks, pines, ash, chestnut and other indigenous trees grown up over the years.

Unfortunately I didn’t linger too long over nature before moving on to the topics of our conversation. My friend and I are both quite political and follow the news . We do have the same views, which helps, but it doesn’t stop us from having heated debates over the way our government and parliament have behaved over the last few weeks! With little or no walkers on the road we could vent our spleens as loudly and with as much gusto as we liked! We had animated conversations about the prime minister, the opposition leaders, various MP’s and the Speaker of the House! Put us in charge of Brexit and it would be done and dusted by the end of this month!

Once more I tried to relax and calm down. I took a few deep breaths and moved on to our forthcoming holiday. We’ll be spending three weeks in New Zealand and two in Australia. I have never been away from home so long so went through my list of ‘what ifs’. This caused some stress and I felt as if it would be best to get up, go downstairs and read my book. But I persevered.

I moved on to my wardrobe. As explained in an earlier blog, packing is not my strong point! This time I am determined to get it right! I’ll go with two colours which should limit the amount of clothes as my choice would be restricted. So I thought about black and navy. But lime green, orange, white, silver, gold and florals all go well with both these colours. If I just packed black and navy trousers and shorts I could wear an unlimited amount of coloured tops! This brought me back to square one so decided to forget about packing until I had checked the weather. It would at least help steer me towards the type of clothing if not the amount!

I looked at the alarm clock shining brightly on my bed side table. It showed 4:10 am. I needed to get up at a respectable time as it was Wednesday and the exercise class at my mother’s care home. My friend was giving the lesson but I needed to arrange the music. I got out of bed, took my book and glasses and went downstairs. I read until 6:00 am before going back to bed. I set the alarm for 9:00 am. Ample time to arrange the music and perhaps three hours sleep! Alas, I only managed two!

But, I’ll survive! I’m not having to make any executive decisions or ensure money deposits have the right number of noughts! I also don’t have a forty minute drive to and from the office, putting up with imbeciles on the road! Life could be a lot worse! I’ll try sleeping again tonight …..👠

I always thought that I could dance fairly well. I don’t mean ballroom dancing or even disco or club dancing. I mean going to the gym and doing the exercise dances. Twenty years ago when I last did an aerobic dance class I wasn’t too bad!

So last Thursday I booked the ‘Twenty Twenty’ class. Twenty minutes dance, twenty minutes step and twenty minutes abs. I felt confident that I could give it my best shot but was slightly concerned about my knees not being able to cope with the steps. I climbed Ben Nevis about ten years ago and damaged my left knee. My right followed a few years later but, with the help of knee straps, they haven’t stopped me from doing anything!

The warm up was easy! I could manage the moves without any problem! I even became quite excited at the prospect of learning a new dance. I wandered if I could convert some of the movements to chair exercises for the residents on a Wednesday morning when I have to give the class! The instructor began showing us a new routine. We sashayed, stepped back, kicked our right leg forward and did a mamba. All was going really well and I was feeling confident!

Then we had to sashay from one side to the other moving forward, turn, perform an intricate four step, then sashay back. Alas, this was too much for me to handle in the allotted time. My balance is not good but the quick turns and cross over feet left me lucky to stay upright! We had to do this routine first starting with the right foot and then the left, with no breaks in between. This was the first time for the whole class but I”m sure the others must have been given a heads up and practiced at home! Or I am even worse than I ever imagined!!

We moved onto the twenty minutes step routine. Once more we were warned that it was new and also that it was not going to be easy! That should have been my cue to make a quick exit! But I didn’t! I soldiered on regardless of the potential embarrassment that was bound to ensue. If I thought that the dance routine was difficult, it was nothing compared to the step! The instructor gave us a choice to stick to the easy moves or follow her. There was no way that I was going to even attempt the intricate double hops, sideways kicks and then jumps off the front of the step, turn around and leap back over to face the front! It was so bad that I forgot the easy options and stood still until everyone faced forward and we started with the other foot!

But I have decided that I will be back next week! If I was able to hold my own twenty years ago I can do the same now! Because I have to see the instructor (it is awkward wearing varifocals so don’t wear glasses) and I am deaf in my right ear, I position myself in front on the left. This means that my lack of skills are clearly visible to the rest of the class! I can’t even remember enough of the moves to practice at home! Trying very hard to have a ‘glass half full’ I am sure that one day soon I’ll have a Eureka moment! I’ll miraculously find the confidence to leap over the step without fear of broken bones or nails. I’m holding the thought of dancing like a professional and twirling around the room like the woman who stood behind me and kept on trying to bump me off the floor! I’ll embrace the power of positive thinking! I’m up for this challenge! Watch this space ……… 👠

Monday morning dawned, grey but warm. The weather forecast had predicted sunshine having experienced the hottest ‘end of August’ bank holiday since records began! My cousin and her daughter were coming for a two day visit from South Africa and I needed good weather to show off our beautiful countryside.

The sky was still grey with no hint of blue when we collected them from the station. ‘The sun is going to come out’ I promised my cousin. ‘Our weather forecast has predicted another beautiful summer’s day!’ I sounded a lot more confident than I felt!But, a few hours later, we were wandering alongside a canal, suntan lotion liberally applied and admiring our surroundings, another new experience for them.

Tuesday morning’s forecast was less positive but we spent the day travelling up to and around the Lake District in the hope that we would have a few hours without rain or mist and some good photo opportunities. My husband and I had forgotten that it was still school holidays so, even though the weather was on our side, the seriously heavy traffic and lack of any parking certainly wasn’t!

So we spent most of the day driving around the lakes and not getting out of the car to stretch our legs! Fitbit was at his annoying best, reminding me to feed him and when was I going to take him for a walk! Luckily we did come across a hotel with parking available and sat outside in a very pretty garden with a cold drink, eating a light lunch before driving up to the last couple of lakes. We needed to leave before impatient office workers clogged up the motorway, delaying our two hour drive back home.

Once more the weather came up trumps as, that evening, we were able to walk the one and a half miles to our local pub for a meal. We didn’t realise that Tuesday night was quiz night so, another experience for my South African relatives, we stayed for the quiz and walked home long after the sun had set. It was pitch black, no street lights and the only help we had to navigate around horse and cattle ‘residue’ was my cousin’s young daughter guiding us with the light of her mobile phone! The brilliance of youth! I would never have thought of that!

On Wednesday, after we had taken my cousin and her lovely young daughter to the station, my friend and I headed off to the care home for their weekly exercise class. The couple of new residents were very enthusiastic which set the tone and we both left on a high, very satisfied that it had been a job well done!

It was back to the gym on Thursday and a meal with friends last night. Summer is slowly moving on with autumn lurking in the wings. The first day of September is the meteorological first day of autumn! It seems like yesterday that the clocks went back and the giddy anticipation of long hot summer days brought a ‘spring’ to our step!

But, I do love autumn. It’s the time of year to start the winding down process. Plants stop growing and the evenings draw in. I can feel the change in the air. Even the birds dawn chorus is less frenetic.

However, this year my husband and I head off to New Zealand and Australia in October. It will be springtime in the Southern hemisphere so we’ll miss the leaves turning from green to beautiful shades of red, orange and gold! But there is always next year! And spring is also magical, new beginnings and, for us, seeing a whole new world! Bring it on …….👠

I need to write a happy, upbeat blog. Over the last few weeks life hasn’t been all that great but it could have been a lot worse! I need to count my blessings, be grateful for everything I have and build a positive attitude about the future!

This is easier said than done. I come from parents who were often stressed and quite serious! They did have a sense of humour so not complete doom and gloom, but there was little spontaneity and a lot more of a measured and organised lifestyle. I know that I am old enough to make my own decisions and the time has definitely come to stop apportioning blame, but old habits die hard! I am a product of my upbringing and unfortunately have perpetuated the stressed, worried gene!

I am sitting in my conservatory with the sun beating down. The garden still hasn’t quite lost its sparkle although beginning to fade. A neighbour is mowing his lawn and will carry on for at least another hour! It always amazes me how long it takes him to mow. He must go over the same little patch again and again, just in case he has missed one blade of grass!

Now that is the pessimistic side of me! If I had been more upbeat my paragraph would have been different. I’ll try again, changing my attitude and see what happens.

I am sitting in the conservatory with the sun beating down. The garden is still looking good. A few butterflies are tasting the delights of the flowers on the budlia tree and the smell of freshly mown grass is wafting through the open windows. My bird feeder is alive with blue tits, long tailed tits and a nuthatch has just joined the party, pecking away at the peanuts.

The neighbour is still mowing his lawn!

The phone rings in the kitchen. Our main telephone line is seldom used by anyone other than nuisance callers. My husband, who always answers, is outside so I’m ignoring it. We have an answer phone if it’s urgent. I can also dial 1471 which gives the last number called.

So, I am really trying to be upbeat and positive! I’m sitting staring at my iPad. Blank. This is awful. I look out of the window. I have four hanging baskets, all filled with begonias. For umpteen years I have had them planted in three colours, red, orange and yellow. There is a cluster of what can only be described as salmon pink begonia flowers peering out between the yellows and reds. I’m feeling annoyed and look away.

When I collected my baskets from the nursery in June I had also ordered red, orange and yellow begonias to plant in tubs within the garden. That was when I noticed five trays of this strange salmon pink. ‘I don’t want those,’ I told the owner waiting to take my credit card to settle the bill. You know that I only want red, orange and yellow!

‘I know, she says in a patronising tone, ‘but they have introduced a new colour. It is really pretty so thought you might like a few plants to try.’

‘No’, I immediately retort. ‘I don’t like pink. I hope you haven’t planted them in my hanging baskets!’

A silence ensued. A young lad walked past carrying two very full baskets containing begonias.

‘Are those mine?’ I ask.

‘ Yes,’ came her prompt reply. ‘I’ve only put one of the beautiful pink plants in each of the baskets so you’ll hardly notice them’.

But notice them I certainly do! I tried to ensure that the pink plant was at the back, next to the wall. Unfortunately this must be a particularly robust strain and they have, over the last couple of months, become the predominant colour. But there are no pinks in my garden tubs! I changed them for reds!

So, I’m looking at a large bunch of salmon pink begonias with a small yellow flower trying to make an appearance in the front of the basket. Our maniac neighbour still hasn’t stopped mowing and is now right outside my window! Try as I might I can’t find any humour in the current situation. Our land line rings again. If I answer and it’s a nuisance caller I’ll probably explode!

So, best I try not to be too positive today. Maybe I’ll try again later! Or maybe I’ll go for a walk. By the time I get back every blade of grass will have been cut to within an inch of its life! I won’t look at my hanging baskets overrun by those awful pink flowers and the nuisance callers will have all gone home!

I get my trainers from the porch. I shout out to my husband, who is putting the umpteenth layer of varnish on the floor of our ‘teak house’ in the garden and leave the house. ‘Anyway’, I tell myself, no one’s perfect! I’ll try again tomorrow …..👠

The relationship I’ve had with my grandchildren has always had to be quality over quantity. I have never had the luxury of being just down the road to babysit. I have worked throughout the years they lived in England so was never able to help with childcare either.

When my two grandchildren lived in Nottingham and were quite young my husband and I used to periodically meet at a roadside cafe near Uttoxeter on a Saturday morning. We’d take the children back home with us and return them on the Sunday evening.

We’d plan outings for the Saturday. My grandson supported Liverpool and Manchester United football teams so he was able to visit both grounds. Luckily these cities were within an hour’s drive from where we lived. There were a number of museums, which always had educational areas for children and other places of interest we could all enjoy. We also lived about the same distance from Chester and a beach in North Wales so these were other options.

Chester zoo had to be a favourite! I remember pushing my granddaughter in her pram as she sat, relaxed and contented, watching the animals while periodically holding her hand up for a drink or something to eat. Eventually my grandson decided that he had done enough walking so they swapped places! My granddaughter’s little legs didn’t take long to tire so the rest of the afternoon I pushed the pram and grandad carried his granddaughter on his shoulders. A good time was had by all!

My son relocated to Kent and then to the US so we have seen even less of our grandchildren over the years. But that does not mean that there is no bond between us or that we meet up again as strangers. On the contrary, we take up where we had left off and our relationship is as strong, loving and happy as ever!

My grandson is now a teenager. A very normal teenager living in this technology driven world. My son and daughter-in-law have ground rules but boundaries are pushed at every opportunity! Much like his father when he was a teenager! I am eternally grateful that my two children lived in the pre-technology era where all we had to hope was that they steered clear of drugs and alcohol. Peer pressure, however, remains the same but on-line bullying, hacking and grooming were thankfully never part of that generation.

My granddaughter still has a couple of years to wait before her teenage hormones kick in! She is an artistic, sensitive little girl but very techno savvy! This is because both her parents are aware of the potential dangers and regular checks are made for transparency. Open dialogue is a fundamental part of their every day lives.

I am as protective over my grandchildren as I still am over my adult children but a grandparent’s relationship is different. It is definitely more fun because the overall responsibility of ensuring ground rules are adhered to remains with their parents! Not that I would encourage disruptive or antisocial behaviour but slightly bending some rules here and there without causing any significant disruption must surely be a grandparent’s prerogative?

Yesterday I reclined on a sun lounger and watched my family enjoying themselves in the swimming pool. They took turns trying to get a ball into a net and shrieks of delight or frustration kept the whole family busy for a couple of hours!

So I hold onto these precious moments, enjoy them while they last and keep these happy memories locked away to recall later. This sounds very negative but life has made me cynical and I am constantly reminded to revel in the good times. Like the bad, nothing lasts forever! 👠

I visit my mother in a care home a few times a week. She has Alzheimer’s disease so these visits aren’t easy. I used to take her out but over the last few months this has not been possible. We have now reached the stage where my mother hardly recognises me and the logistics involved have become unsustainable. Even a drive in the car causes upset and she has stopped enjoying the Elvis Presley CD which she used to love!

There is little conversation between my mother and I as she doesn’t remember any family or friends. Showing her photographs produces a minimal reaction but I persevere just in case she does recognise a family member! So I have stopped spending time alone with her in her room and socialise with the other residents. I sit with my mother and include her in our conversations. She used to become jealous if I spoke to the anyone else but now takes little notice.

I have, therefore, made some new friends! A few of the residents can still have meaningful conversations and I find some of them fascinating. Take Gerald, for instance. He was a fighter pilot and flew Lancaster bombers during the war. He is very well spoken, a shocking flirt, to the embarrassment of his granddaughter, but so interesting. As I explained to the young girl, cringing when her Grandad asked me if I was the cabaret act and he’d soon put a smile on my face, not to be offended. Dementia is an awful disease and I am fully aware of how it changes personalities! I just laugh it off!

Gerald told me that his wife has been dead for two and a half years. He loved her dearly and still misses her desperately. Apparently she was paralysed and didn’t recognise him but he made daily visits to her in a care home a few miles away. He has put his name down to move there as soon as a room becomes available. It would make him feel closer to her. In the same conversation he told me that he always felt lucky to have survived the war. With tears in his eyes he said that he still has so many vivid memories etched with so much sadness. Pilots were fodder for the Germans. So many brave young men died yet more went out day after day to face the Luftwaffe! He knows he has dementia and is quite pragmatic about it! Makes me feel ungrateful and annoyed that I still sweat the small stuff!

Nicola is only seventy three. She is still an attractive woman and I find her very amusing! She had a boyfriend who gradually stopped visiting. Like Gerald she is very pragmatic. ‘You just can’t trust men’ she’d tell me when another week had passed and the boyfriend hadn’t called. ‘It’s a case of out of sight out of mind’ she’d shrug her shoulders. ‘Would you like a drink or something to eat’ she always asks? If Nicola is at the door when a relative or friend comes to visit she is the perfect hostess!

But I can report that, within the last few days, Nicola has found a new man. He is Robert, my mother’s neighbour. Robert became a resident about six months ago. In all that time I have never seen him leave his room. The furthest he has ventured was to the door and he was forever pacing up and down, holding his stomach and emitting occasional loud groans. His food was always left on the tray and he has lost a lot of weight.

Last Monday when I went into the main sitting room with my Mother to listen to some music, I was very surprised to see Robert and Nicola cuddled up together on a sofa holding hands. They were both singing along to Tom Jones, happy and relaxed, not a care in the world! Robert looked at least ten years younger! There was no sign of pain or anxiety! I hope his family embrace this relationship and understand the good it is doing and not try to inflict ‘normal’ behaviour when dealing with dementia!

So another visit has come and gone. I helped my mother with her lunch today. She was taken upstairs to have her hair done but flatly refused! She came down a bit later so they served her a meal on her own. My mother played around with her food, moving the sausage from one side of the plate to the other. She ignored the vegetables but ate some of the potato and gravy. I had to chuckle. If we had done this when we were at home my mother would have been really annoyed. We would have been threatened with missing out on the dessert! After some coaxing and even cutting up her sausage I gave up and watched her enjoy a tapioca pudding!

Missing out on a meal won’t be detrimental to her general health and well-being! I wasn’t going to try and force her to eat. Life is just too short …..👠

Life can be a ‘funny thing’. Not funny as in ha ha! Funny as in unbelievable! One minute life is good and the next, a disaster!

Discussions can be fun, can get quite heated, but the important thing to remember is that we are all entitled to our opinions. Even if we can’t change anyone’s mind, then let it go and move on. That is what often happens around our dinner table or when adults are broadening their minds and communicating positively as part of a healthy debate. But there are other occasions, especially within families, which don’t follow this path and disintegrate into arguments which can have adverse effects.

I have come to realise that all too easily sensitivities within family units can cause friction, throw away comments cause pain and a relationship breaks down, sometimes irrevocably. There is rarely a single reason and what is the saddest of all, years can go by without a resolution. Sometimes it goes with the family member or close friend to their grave.

Extended families are very complex. When they get thrust together it is the hope that they try to get on. We can have a common upbringing, even share the same values or be partners of family members, yet we are all still different people.

I have found that breakdowns may happen when an individual’s perceptions aren’t fully understood. Out of love someone can try and help or advise and, because of the sensitivity of the issue, this help can be misconstrued as criticism. In an ideal world, possibly with a mediator present, both sides would have their say. Comments would be clarified and the issue resolved. But, alas, when passions take over a red mist rushes in to cloud all logic and common sense. Families get ripped apart. There are no winners, only losers. Once blame sets in, this becomes the final nail in the coffin!

It’s the speed of these fallouts that surprise me. All positive family history is wiped out in an instant! Good times, or when families have stuck together and leaned on each other for support, is forgotten. It is astonishing how fast these positives melt away and only the difficulties and differences of opinions take hold. It becomes an all consuming force to bring the most pain and retribution.

I’m not an expert in relationships nor am I a psychologist. Being able to take a step back and be objective is the best advice but this is definitely easier said than done. A conscious decision to build a bridge over the troubled waters has to be made as every argument has two sides. None of us are islands. What we do and how we behave has a ripple effect. Sometimes these ripples cascade out and bring joy, sometimes they do the opposite.

That’s why life is such a ‘funny thing’. One minute you are sitting around a table with your loved ones, enjoying their company, happy in the knowledge that things are going really well and grateful for the time spent with them. The next minute all the positivity that has built up over the years and all the trust is lost. In an instant. 👠