Relationships

Being part of a family and especially a close family, comes with many advantages. Money can’t buy the special bond between siblings, parents children and grandchildren. This bond is built up over the years, a two way relationship, nurtured and important to all parties.

Relationships change over the years. Children grow into adults with lives of their own. Parents and grandparents grow older, following the natural progression of life. Loved ones die, often resulting in solid family units disintegrating and branching out on their own. Children move in different directions, to other cities, even changing countries and have their own families. Siblings become part of new, extended family units and parents and grandparents often begin to feature less and less as the years go by.

Having children is a blessing. The highs usually far outweigh any challenges. Watching your little one asleep at night, looking like an angel, beautiful in his or her innocence, the day’s troubles are soon forgotten.

Gradually, so that you barely notice, your child develops, moving from infant to toddler. They start school and then become teenagers. Through these years parents have a certain amount of control depending on how strict (or neurotic) they are! College or university loosens the apron strings. This is the time a young adult will feel the full tug of independence and with that comes responsibility. Years of nurturing, advice and discipline have moulded him or her. They make decisions based on what they have learned and seen during their formative years. However, this mold has not yet fully set and still very malleable.

Choices made in early adulthood can have a lasting and often detrimental effect on the rest of their lives. Because no one is an island, the ramifications of bad or wrong decisions, often made thoughtlessly, impulsively or under coercion, can result in family breakdowns and lasting heartbreak. Being headstrong can be both a positive and negative trait but needs to be managed and handled with care.

An example of this is falling in with the wrong crowd or partner.

I feel so sorry for parents not having adult relationships with their children, often through no fault of theirs. Fallouts invariably occur over something insignificant or simply lack of communication. Sadly, there are times when partners are to blame. In coercive, unhealthy relationships families are torn apart. Parents never get to experience the pleasure of spending time with their grown up children . Precious time when new friendships are formed and the hypothetical boundary between parent and child disappears. Deep, lasting friendships can replace the nurturing years. They are so special and should never be taken for granted.

Often, in coercive, unhealthy relationships children never get to meet their grandparents, or aunts, uncles and cousins. Memories made through these early, informative years are so important and can give children a sense of belonging and self worth. Grandparents offer so much to their grandchildren. Their years of experience, their history and their devoted love to their child’s offspring. Treasures that are priceless.

What does it take to mend a broken relationship? The longer the time passes the more difficult it becomes. If an apology is all that’s required, it could mean accepting but not necessarily agreeing with the opposing party. This is the honourable, brave thing to do in taking that first step! Life is so short and can so easily be filled with regrets. As I get older I realise more and more the importance of my family. Choices made many years ago have left their legacies and not all of them are good! No one’s life is perfect, least of all mine.

It can be very difficult to forgive when the wounds are deep and still cause much pain. And, like with all disagreements, it’s complicated. But what is the alternative? Depriving families of their loved ones and having no cherished memories to look back on as the years march swiftly by? If you never try you’ll never know! Its a no-brainer!👠