I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that I’m not generally a relaxed, carefree person. I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t worried about something! My memories of childhood go back to when I was about four years old. Even then this memory is one of being anxious and unhappy!
Yet, within the same families, siblings can differ dramatically! A lot of literature I’ve read through the years has highlighted the ‘eldest child syndrome’. They are often more highly strung than their siblings and I have verified this hypothesis on a number of occasions.
Stress has its uses. ‘Fight or flight’ was effective and a necessity during the ‘hunter, gatherer’ age when having to escape from vicious sabre-toothed tigers or other wild animals was a matter of life or death! It is still relevant today, but not continuously and at perpetually high levels.
It is well known that too much stress is detrimental to both mind and body. It has also been linked to all six major causes of death in the Western world, cancer, heart and liver disease, accidents, lung disease and suicide. Throw in a diminished immune system and digestive problems, deteriorating cognitive performance and mental health issues, the World Health Organisation has named stress as the ‘epidemic of the twenty first century’!
So, knowing the damage stress is doing to my body, and has done over many years, why aren’t I actively doing something about it? Surely there must be some way to channel this stress into something positive? Or am I being too simplistic? Or, even worse, giving up and just living with it? Sounds defeatist but a habit honed over decades and an integral part of my life would take a huge amount of shifting!
I have read many articles on the subject and taken some of the advice and ideas offered by specialists in this field. This was through a fear of the damage I was inflicting on my body rather than the desire to find a cure! Sadly, worrying for me is so normal that I’d be lost without it!
Stress does appear to have a Jekyll and Hyde nature. For years I have been warned against all the bad side effects. Lately, I’ve been most surprised to read a growing number of articles showing a positive side! All I have to do is change from a negative mindset to a positive one and I can ‘turn my life around’! The true nature of stress is very complex and by dwelling on its negativity I am apparently feeding those thoughts into my brain, causing physical and mental damage!
If I had a positive mindset I would be aware of the unpleasantness of stress but I would use it to my advantage and get things done instead of just worrying about them! And not worry about things I cannot change or which might never happen! Apparently I would be more open to negative feedback and thus more willing to question and change my thoughts and attitudes. That would make me more proactive in times of trouble and focussed on getting a solution instead of dwelling on the ‘what ifs’. It’s as easy as that!
But there’s the rub! Because my temperament is anxious, an inveterate worrier and highly sensitive, I could never achieve this dramatic character reversal on my own. Even those of us who are predisposed to being ‘highly strung’, it’s invariably learned through life’s experiences and not something we were born with. Can I, at this advanced age, really retrain my brain to change from negative to positive?
The first seven years of childhood are the most informative. Most parents do their best to nurture and protect their young children but cannot always keep them wrapped up in cottonwool. Things happen at school, when they visit friends and family and even in loving homes that affect children in different ways. That’s why siblings with the same gene pool often have such different personalities.
I have finally decided the time has come to improve my quality of life. The knock on ‘positive’ effect should also be felt by my family and close friends. I don’t want to fundamentally change who I am, I just want to learn how to keep hold of the good times instead of hanging on to the sadness. To always be worrying about something is not normal!
I really want to start this next phase of my life to be open to change. I know I can’t do this on my own but help and advice is out there! England is slowly moving out of the pandemic and taking some tentative steps back to normality. It’s being a long two years with many different kinds of casualties. Post Covid we’ll all have to brace ourselves as we enter this ‘Brave New World’!
I’m up for the challenge. I need to shake off the old and embrace the new! I have nothing to lose!👠
Jenny Burrell 