I have written about a number of mental health issues in the past. My mother suffered from Alzheimer’s Disease. Bipolar Disorder and Depression have featured, as has Narcissism. There is unfortunately another disorder I feel strongly about where help is available but not always sought.
I’m sure most of us have come into contact with someone who has an addiction. Alcohol and drug abuse are well documented. But there is a lesser known but equally destructive ‘sex addiction’.
A few years ago a well known film star shared his ordeal with the press but thankfully gave little detail. I’m sure there were many sceptical sniggers and ribald comments! I read the article and must confess that I gave it little thought and moved on.
That was until this awful addiction affected someone close to me. The sordid details were shared, or as much as I was able to bear! As with all addicts, close family and friends are forced to travel this destructive road with them! There is still a lot of controversy surrounding sex addiction. Symptoms are varied and, because it’s not fully recognised as a mental health disorder, is not given the attention it deserves. However, psychologists do acknowledge it as an addiction and therefore it forms part of their overall studies.
As with all addicts, getting a ‘fix’ is the driver. This usually results in multiple partners placing extreme pressure on already difficult and unhappy relationships. Their covert behaviour hides their dark guilty secret, sometimes for many years. Safety becomes a huge concern and quality of life deteriorates as their ‘fixes’ become harder to satisfy and control. It can eventually lead to loss of livelihoods and alcohol and drug dependency as a self help coping mechanism.
This has not been easy to write. Emotions are still raw. Addicts drag their ‘loved’ ones with them as they sink lower and lower, causing untold suffering and despair. I simply cannot understand how they fail to see the effect their addiction is having on those around them!
I’m not a specialist in the field of mental health so am not qualified to pass judgment! In this instance, however, include a hefty dose of narcissism and a mental health qualification and staying objective and impartial is impossible! Supporting the victim and seeing first hand the serious damage inflicted, is heartbreaking. There are so many question I want to ask. I’m carrying a huge burden of anger and revulsion! Could I have done more? Should I have been more alert and asked questions earlier? This was difficult because I didn’t want to interfere yet I feel as if I have failed in my duty of care!
Unfortunately I’ll never get all the answers. Suicide is often the outcome for this and other addictions especially if help is never sought. What has absolutely infuriated me is the treatment of the partner left behind! The true victim of the abuse becomes the perpetrator! Their character is scrutinised and all blame laid at their door!
But there has got to come a time to leave all this misery and unhappiness behind and look to the future. It’s happened and going back to revisit the sordid details over and over again will serve no useful purpose. I can see fun and laughter returning! I’m taking huge pleasure in rebuilding a precious relationship! There is definitely a ray of hope at the end of the tunnel.
My roses are blooming. Their sweet smell fills the air and their beauty brings my garden to life. They herald the start of summer and a new and exciting chapter for us all! 👠
Jenny Burrell 