The last couple of months have been surreal! I still wake up and can’t believe that I should only leave the house if absolutely necessary! Spontaneity, of which I am very guilty, has been quashed! Routine has become my mantra to try and cope with this continued isolation!
The first few weeks I found relatively easy. The rule of law was to stay at home, only go out if absolutely necessary and don’t mix with anyone outside your household. And we were all in this together! That was important because there was no choice and everyone just had to knuckle down and get on with it!
But the rules have now subtly changed! We still have to stay at home unless we need necessities, but can go to garden centres, hardware stores and meet up to five friends or family members. We can also exercise in teams of six and play non contact sport, outside, all keeping socially distant!
So the rules have been relaxed yet I still feel so strange! We drove up to Yorkshire, sat outside with my daughter and son in law, wandered around their garden, staying two metres apart, didn’t go inside their house and definitely no hugging! Weird and totally unnatural!
I was really looking forward to seeing her! She was keeping well and our cup of tea was delicious! It was a beautifully warm, sunny day and her garden looked lovely. So why do I feel like this? Very uncomfortable, quite down, not happy! Definitely moved back to ‘glass half empty’!
I feel ungrateful. I know that there are many people far less fortunate than me! I should be happy about a huge number of things and get really annoyed with myself for going off piste and losing the plot! It’s even raining today, which is a very welcome relief after the hottest, driest May in 124 years! Our garden is desperate for this rain and our lawn looks like a winter South African one, brown and unsightly!
The time has come for me to get my head around this next stage in the battle against Covid! If I don’t yank myself out of this stupor I’ll have lost the war, a daunting, frightening thought! To make matters worse my blood pressure has spiked again so have had to increase my medication! This really annoys me as I know I should be coping a lot better! I have to get a grip!
Yesterday afternoon we met friends outside their spacious back garden. We had delicious cake and my favourite South African red bush tea. There were six of us. These are good friends and we have known each other for many years. I mentioned my anxiety which has caused the blood pressure spike and was given some really good advice, breathing exercises and relaxation. We had some good laughs, enjoyed the warm sunshine and agreed to meet up again soon.
So, it’s down to me to take responsibility and get back on track! I’m not an island and how I behave affects others! It’s not all about me! I need to take this first step!
I have made plans for today, getting my summer clothes and shoes down from the loft and packing away boots and coats. I will get back to taking one day at a time! When the black cloud hovers above, I must continually remind myself of everything I have, a lovely family, some really good friends and (usually) good health! My husband is a huge support so I have everything I need at home.
Onwards and upwards! Life is too short to dwell on negatives! If I can’t change anything then it’s up to me to adapt to the current situation. Nothing lasts forever, not the good nor the bad! I needed to recognise that my glass was almost empty. Only I can top it up so today will be good, tomorrow even better! 👠
Jenny Burrell 