Life can be a ‘funny thing’. Not funny as in ha ha! Funny as in unbelievable! One minute life is good and the next, a disaster!
Discussions can be fun, can get quite heated, but the important thing to remember is that we are all entitled to our opinions. Even if we can’t change anyone’s mind, then let it go and move on. That is what often happens around our dinner table or when adults are broadening their minds and communicating positively as part of a healthy debate. But there are other occasions, especially within families, which don’t follow this path and disintegrate into arguments which can have adverse effects.
I have come to realise that all too easily sensitivities within family units can cause friction, throw away comments cause pain and a relationship breaks down, sometimes irrevocably. There is rarely a single reason and what is the saddest of all, years can go by without a resolution. Sometimes it goes with the family member or close friend to their grave.
Extended families are very complex. When they get thrust together it is the hope that they try to get on. We can have a common upbringing, even share the same values or be partners of family members, yet we are all still different people.
I have found that breakdowns may happen when an individual’s perceptions aren’t fully understood. Out of love someone can try and help or advise and, because of the sensitivity of the issue, this help can be misconstrued as criticism. In an ideal world, possibly with a mediator present, both sides would have their say. Comments would be clarified and the issue resolved. But, alas, when passions take over a red mist rushes in to cloud all logic and common sense. Families get ripped apart. There are no winners, only losers. Once blame sets in, this becomes the final nail in the coffin!
It’s the speed of these fallouts that surprise me. All positive family history is wiped out in an instant! Good times, or when families have stuck together and leaned on each other for support, is forgotten. It is astonishing how fast these positives melt away and only the difficulties and differences of opinions take hold. It becomes an all consuming force to bring the most pain and retribution.
I’m not an expert in relationships nor am I a psychologist. Being able to take a step back and be objective is the best advice but this is definitely easier said than done. A conscious decision to build a bridge over the troubled waters has to be made as every argument has two sides. None of us are islands. What we do and how we behave has a ripple effect. Sometimes these ripples cascade out and bring joy, sometimes they do the opposite.
That’s why life is such a ‘funny thing’. One minute you are sitting around a table with your loved ones, enjoying their company, happy in the knowledge that things are going really well and grateful for the time spent with them. The next minute all the positivity that has built up over the years and all the trust is lost. In an instant. 👠
Jenny Burrell 