I had a stressful job. I used to wake up at night, in a cold sweat, worrying about work. I became a ‘Lady of Leisure’ last June so have had nine months without work related stress.
My ‘bewitching’ hour had always between 1:00 am and 2:00 am. I would sometimes hear the grandfather clock strike one but always two. Most nights, if I was awake longer than an hour, I’d get up and feel my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. I’ve heard that almonds aid sleep so would have a mug of hot milk, a handful of almonds and sit in front of the television. At that ‘bewitching’ hour the choice of programmes was very limited. It was either ‘The Walton’s’ , or ‘Little House on the Prairie’. The films were never my ‘cup of tea’ and the news programmes depressing!
I needed to watch something innocuous so that I could turn my overactive brain off and try to relax. Other than a current work related problem, being a manager also meant that I would sometimes have my colleagues to worry about as well!
But the other night I found myself sitting in the television room nursing a mug of hot milk and munching almonds. The reason for this insomnia was ridiculous! I had made a list of things to do before the summer and this list had resulted in a recurrence of my ‘bewitching hour stress syndrome’!
I sat staring at the culprit as I sipped the warm milk. Paint the fence, paint the two benches (colour to be decided!) scrape the moss off the roof of the ‘teak house’ at the bottom of the garden. Power wash the paving, plant the hanging baskets, deep clean and treat the ‘soft top’ of my car. Get husband to make wooden boxes and plant lettuce and tomatoes, re-pot herbs, get and paint large tubs for the front of the house (colour to be decided!). I had twenty two items on my list.
The clock struck 3:00 am. I sat with one eye on ‘The Walton’s ‘ and another, pen poised, about to add even more items to the list.
And then, out of the blue, common sense prevailed, forcing it’s way through the chaos and turmoil that ‘spring cleaning’ had inflicted on my still fragile brain. With a flourish it took control! My hands found themselves screwing up the piece of paper and flinging it on to the floor!
I sat staring at this piece of paper for a while, not quite believing what I had done! My first thought was to retrieve it, but, surprisingly, I left it alone! A few minutes later I turned off the television, switched off the light and blindly made my way up the stairs!
I was cold and so was my side of the bed. It took a while to feel the circulation returning to my feet but I didn’t hear the 4:00 pm chime so did finally drift off into a dream-filled sleep!
I suppose habit dies hard. I had become so used to worrying about something and have had a huge concern regarding members of my immediate family, as shared in a previous blog. My brain is wired in ‘worry’ mode so will take a significant amount of conscious effort to get it ‘re-wired’.
But I’m on the case! Step one was screwing up the paper. Step two was going downstairs the next morning and throwing it in the bin. There will always be hurdles to clear. It’s called life. I just have to face them and get over them without dragging a load of negativity and debilitating baggage with me! The secret is to lighten the load by removing the ‘small stuff’ and not worrying about the things I can’t change.
That’s come from the sensible, logical smaller part of my brain! It needs to take over! My challenge for 2019 and beyond! I’ll keep you posted. 👠
Jenny Burrell 