Yesterday, being Wednesday, my friend and I went to the care home to give the residents their weekly exercise class. We made our own way there so I went a bit earlier to spend time with Mum. I had chosen the music so was prepared.
However, I wasn’t prepared to see Mum sitting in the foyer in her nightie, her handbag on her lap, looking as if she was about to go out. The red mist was instantaneous! I found a carer in one of the rooms and voiced my serious concern! I was told that Mum had refused to wash or get dressed so they had to move on to the next resident and would get back to her!
Once more this issue has raised its ugly head! I am bombarded with information about civil liberties, personal dignity, human rights or humane treatment of residents where force cannot be used under any circumstances! So what do you do if the resident in question is sitting in the foyer, a few feet from the front door, wearing only a nightie and soiled underwear? You can’t force them to the bathroom but surely there are other ways to get them cleaned and dressed every day?
I had to get ready for the exercise class and could see that the sitting room was filling up and my friend had arrived. I took Mum to her room and started dressing her. I wasn’t going to wash her so found the carer I had spoken to earlier. She was on her way to help Mum so let her take over.
It was when I had plugged in the docking station and was ready for the class that I spotted the assistant manger. I was still very upset but tried to calmly explain what had happened. I asked how long they had planned to leave my mother and how often this was happening? But my main concern was why no one had spent time gently tying to persuade Mum to get washed and dressed! I know Mum is still feisty and often stubborn but how far do you take civil liberties when dealing with someone with dementia? The reason why Mum is in a care home is because she cannot look after herself. She also needs a good level of hygiene to prevent recurring urinary tract infections which have dogged her for years?
The assistant manager was very apologetic. Apparently this does happen but he promised me that it didn’t happen often and never lasting as long as this morning. Unfortunately they were nursing an ‘end of life’ patient who had not received any family or friends to sit with him. It’s the care home’s policy never to leave ‘end of life’ patients on their own so they were battling with two staff down.
So this is something else I have to keep an eye on! I’ll stagger my visiting times to ensure that Mum is washed and dressed every morning to prevent her going to the dining room for her breakfast in her nightie! My proud, smart, very prudish mother would have been mortified!
I feel so sorry for all the residents who never receive visitors! Mum is in a good care home but none are perfect. Carers are only human, very badly paid and most of the time feel they are doing a thankless job. However, there is no excuse for bad treatment of any resident! So my mother’s dementia has dropped another level and will only get worse.
A resident passed away this week from a heart attack. She was only in the very early stages of dementia. There was understandable shock and sadness. At least the poor woman never lost her dignity and her family were spared the pain of watching their beloved mother sink slowly down into the hideous abyss which is this evil, debilitating, incurable disease. 👠
Jenny Burrell 